The precious commodity of biblical friendship

On a recent holiday visit to the Scottish Museum of Modern Art, I was struck by the entrance hall artwork which was made up of a long list of names: everybody the artist, 53-year-old Douglas Gordon, could ever remember meeting in his life. You can see it in my holiday snap (right)!

Now this kind of art may not be your cup of tea – you may prefer the more realistic brush strokes of Canaletto or the landscapes of Constable. But I like art that makes me think – and this installation certainly got me thinking, and not only about the GDPR consequences of such a display.

We had our family trip to Edinburgh (where the museum is located) in the same week that Ed Sheeran, the multi-millionaire pop musician, admitted that he only had four real friends. Fame and anxiety, he said, had crippled him when it comes to trusting people.

It’s a stark contrast. Gordon, of course, is not listing names of friends – but in today’s Facebook culture the nature of friendship has been diminished and there is a real danger that we roll into friendship categories which are actually distinct: colleagues, acquaintances, neighbours, people we’ve met, even family. The American President has recently just announced that our new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, is his ‘friend’ because he has once met him.

Our vulnerability

Christians are particularly susceptible to this concertina effect because we belong to church families where we see people regularly and share all kinds of experiences and truths together in a very powerful way. But even these familial relationships are still not friendships. Not every single one.

Friendship in the Bible is a precious commodity and the pages of Scripture have much to teach us about it, both positively and negatively. It is one of the most neglected gifts from a gracious Father.

We sadly convince ourselves we have many friends because our Facebook count is high or because we can number in hundreds our Instagram followers.

If you were to read, say, Proverbs, and see what it has to say about friendship, the chances are that you’re closer to Ed Sheeran than you may think – and even then you may struggle to reach his total of four.

Fixing friendship

The reasons this deficiency has arisen are many, but here are a few suggestions and corrections we could all make.

First, let’s not overstate the effectiveness of social media. Sites such as Facebook can – used carefully – assist in friendship. But they cannot make friends for us, nor, on their own, maintain friendships.

Second, let’s appreciate that friendships take time. They take time to make and they take time to mature. If you’re not willing to make any costly time investment, you won’t have friends. Period.

Third, let’s not deceive ourselves that acquaintances are the same thing as friendships, nor even that church relationships are automatically friendships. I don’t have any sociological evidence to hand, but I wonder if it is not really possible to have more than a dozen real Bible-style friendships at most.

Fourthly, let’s be willing to be a friend to others. The Christian life is ultimately about serving others not serving ourselves. We need to approach friendship with this counter-cultural attitude.

No doubt I’ve been thinking about this because one of my friends is moving further away. It’s going to be harder to stay in touch; harder, in fact, to be friends. But we need friends; they’re a gracious gift from a loving Father.

How many do you really have?