There are many Christian men and women who grapple silently with difficult problems in their lives concerning relationships and other gender issues.
Here we publish a few letters, written to an imaginary Christian agony aunt (whom we we'll call Connie) expressing problems which regularly arise in churches and Christian families.
The letters are based on real situations, but do not come from actual men and women. Reading these, some might realise that the difficulties they struggle with are not uncommon. For others the letters may stir them to think about how they can best help when such issues arise in their fellowship. Indeed, the letters might be a basis for a church discussion night.
Some issues for men
Single and masculine?
Dear Connie,
I am a single man and I want to serve the Lord in the church. But somehow I get the impression that to be anything in the church you have to be married. There is a lot of emphasis on servant headship for men. Apart from going off and being a missionary, which I do not think I am called to be, what is the place of a single young man in the church ? Can you be biblically masculine without being married ? If so, how?
Yours, Reggie
Taking initiative?
Dear Connie,
I really love the Bible's picture of what a family should be and would like to see the pattern of sacrificial and caring male leadership and loving female submission worked out in our home.
I know I can come over as a bossy woman and I am trying to change, but I find that my husband, lovely though he is, is reluctant to take the lead. This is true in most areas of life, but particularly when it comes to organising any kind of family prayer or in setting the right kind of spiritual ethos in our home. What can I do ? I feel that we are letting our children down and are not the Christian family we ought to be.
Yours, Donna
Lacking confidence?
Dear Connie,
I am challenged by the biblical picture of men being servant leaders who take initiative for the good of others. But to take any kind of initiative I think you need confidence. I am single and not good at relating to women. I do not have enough confidence to take any initiatives.
At the same time, I am surrounded at church by young single women who seem clever, good at conversation and to have their lives together and I feel more and more inept. How would you advise me?
Yours sincerely, Trevor
Notice me!
Dear Connie,
I am married with three children and my husband is a deacon in the church. He is very busy with his work and with church administration. When he is at home his favourite mode of relaxation is to watch sport on television. I find myself hungry to know what he does and what he thinks and feels about things, but once he walks in through the door he has no need to talk about how his day has gone.
I recently planned a Saturday night out for dinner and I hoped it would be an opportunity for some real communication and intimacy. In fact it was very nice but as the meal was ending I noticed that he was looking at his watch. He suggested that we had coffee at home and hustled me out of the restaurant. By the time I had taken the babysitter home he was quite happily glued to 'Match of the Day.' He thought it had been a great evening but somehow I felt really cheated. Was I being unreasonable? What should I have done ?
Yours, Esther
Issues for women
Women at work
Dear Connie,
Mine is an almost totally female workplace. Most of the time we get on very well. We have a lot of laughs and I enjoy their company. I am always hoping that their will be an opportunity to witness for Christ.
Lately, however, since someone new joined the staff, there has been a tendency either for the conversation to turn towards bitching about the boss or towards rather vulgar talk about men. I feel increasingly uncomfortable. What should I do?
Yours sincerely, Grace
Long lonely evenings
Dear Connie,
I am a middle-aged divorcee. I was converted a few years ago and appreciate the Bible teaching I am getting at my church. My three children are now grown up or off at college, so for the time being I am on my own. I find my evenings very long. I spend most of them watching soap operas or other similar programmes on TV. In fact such programmes are what I look forward to all day. Can that be right? I fear I am addicted to TV.
On the other hand, I am desperately lonely. I am uncomfortable in a setting where everybody else is a couple and where marriage is very much the ideal. I find all-female company depressing and I get the impression that the men in the church are afraid of me. In spite of the good teaching I am considering stopping going to church.
Yours, Muriel
Babysitter
Dear Connie,
I am a single working woman and very much involved as a member of my local church, where most of the other people are married.
Frequently I am asked to baby-sit for young couples in the church and in the past I have tended to try to be helpful and say 'Yes'. However, these days I am finding that every weekend, both Friday and Saturday evenings, I am minding other people's children while the parents are out socialising and having a good time. Everybody is very kind and appreciative, but I am beginning to feel resentful. As a Christian, what should I do ?
Yours, Philippa
Mood swings
Dear Connie,
Every month I have this massive mood swing. From being a friendly and easy-going person, I become overwhelmed with negative emotion and very liable to lash out at anyone verbally. I feel I can't help it, but I know that my attitude hurts others and is a bad witness. Can you give me some advice ?
