In three weeks’ time, I’ve got seven minutes or so to share an aspect of the gospel with a man I’ve known for over 30 years — how will I tackle that?
I know I’ve got seven minutes because that’s the approximate time at my dentist between the injections and the drilling. Will I fill (pardon the pun) the time with local news or holidays or seek to move him closer to Christ?
In an age where more and more communication is taking place online, how do we respond in face-to-face situations?
Many opportunities
Many opportunities occur regularly to build relationships. Some examples (person/event are real, with names changed):
* Colleagues we work with: getting to know them more in the spare moments during the working day.
* Neighbours: bank holiday weekends are good opportunities to move people on; joining a Neighbourhood Watch scheme means getting to know people around you; talking to parents at the school gate.
* Convenience stores: I’ve got to know some of the folks who run these well — their names and also their birthdays. I sent postcards from holiday to all four and one in particular felt honoured.
* Professional services: where you have more time with people. Having new glasses takes at least two visits so you get to know those who serve you a little. My wife’s conversations in a health shop with the young woman serving her led to the woman having meals at our house, days out, participation in an Alpha course, living with us for two years, us being present at her citizenship ceremony, being witnesses at her wedding and (so far finally) enabling the dedication of a new-born infant at church.
* Tradespeople who regularly visit, e.g. deliver the post or online shopping, empty the bins, repair the washing machine, read the gas meter.
* Spare-time pursuits: being a governor at a local school, a member of a gym or golf club, part of a slimming group or an evening class.
* Local shops, e.g. coffee shops, or supermarket staff at check-outs whom we may see regularly.
* Hotels you may stay in regularly. Staff on reception, in the restaurant, etc. are genuinely surprised when you remember their name and take a personal interest in them.
Building bridges and …
These opportunities are times to be genuine. Often conversation will be ‘small talk’ about weather, the family, holidays or football — i.e. a means to deepen a relationship. Occasionally opportunities come to share more deeply. A lady in the gym asked why I get up so early, and I replied, ‘To read my Bible and pray’, and a good conversation followed.
For me, a significant step is asking someone’s name, as that is asking someone to share something of themselves. On one occasion when I asked someone his name, he told me, adding, ‘Are you a vicar?’ A part of Christian compassion is treating people as individuals.
It’s about being genuine — taking a real and compassionate interest in other people. Being organised helps — jotting down people’s names, birthdays, etc. to pray for them and remember them in future. Another part of building bridges is sharing ourselves: ‘Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well’ (1 Thessalonians 2.8). We can ask a person too many questions; the person(s) we are talking to may be reluctant to ask us about ourselves, so we may need, unprompted, to share something of our lives.
…crossing bridges
We can spend years developing strong connections with people, and a time comes when we need to move a relationship on to spiritual things. Take courage and go for it. What is the worst that can happen? We’ve told friends: ‘We’re not just friends with you to get you to come to church’, and we’re still firm friends decades later.
I took courage last year, gave a neighbour a Bible and met with him weekly to read from the Gospels, adapting the evangelistic ‘Getting Excited about Jesus’, published by IFES. Do what you can! Do what is natural to your personality style (Mike Bechtle, Evangelism for the rest of us: sharing Christ within your personality style, Baker, is excellent on this). Also encouraging on real-life encounters is Howard Webber, Meeting Jesus (Shield Books, 2010).
I’ve found, ‘Would you let me pray with you?’ helpful, as it shows that: (1) I believe in God [i.e. it cuts through the ‘Do you believe in God?’ cul-de-sacs]; (2) the God I believe in cares about you; (3) I care about you. Sometimes people say, ‘No thank you’, which I respect. I pray and will even say, especially if the person is slightly embarrassed, ‘Now that wasn’t too bad, was it?’
One-off opportunities
Make the most of opportunities with people you meet on a journey or other ‘chance’ encounters (remember Ruth 2.3: ‘As it turned out …’?). Carry with you an evangelistic booklet you’re happy with. Open the conversation sooner rather than later. (On one train journey the chap next to me seemed keen to talk, but I remained silent, wondering how to begin a conversation until it was too late and I had to get off.) I find, in the mornings, ‘Got a busy day ahead?’ and, in the evenings, ‘Had a busy day?’ suits my personality. Some people make it clear, though, that they don’t want to talk, which I respect.
Be sensible
I’m aware of my own weaknesses and limit my sharing to my own name, not phone number. Occasionally I’ve given an email address. If I give away one of my own books (e.g. my ‘honest prayers’, Prayers for Good Times and Grim (Monarch), people can contact me via Google and my website if they want to.
Next steps
For me and the individuals I regularly meet, I think of the next step with each person: e.g, move conversation onto spiritual matters with Ken; pray with Len. My focus in prayers is, however, not so much on what I ‘should’ say, but on the individuals and their needs.
Conclusions
* Keep short accounts with God. Stay close to Christ. Ask him to fill you with his Spirit’s resources.
* Pray that you will be alert to opportunities and make the most of those you find yourself in. A few weeks ago I prayed with a colleague whose co-worker’s husband had unexpectedly died earlier that day.
* Don’t grieve too long over past mistakes… go for it next time!
Martin Manser is a reference book editor including Bible-reference titles. He recently updated Matthew Henry’s Commentary.
