Scotland: a hellish perspective

David Robertson, with apologies to C.S. Lewis, gives a different perspective on the current church scene in Scotland.

My Dear Diabolos,

Superb job! It really gives me great pleasure to see how well your mission in Scotland is going. It is so deliciously ironic that this land that was once so feared by us, inhabited by the ‘people of the book’, is now almost completely turned around and leading the way to what our enemies, the humans, so stupidly call ‘secularisation’. Ever since the Russian prophets of the 19th century, we have been looking for a way to undermine the basic foundations of marriage and freedom. Now our goal is within sight. How absolutely wonderful that you managed to get the British Prime Minister to declare his intention of ‘redefining marriage’ — while, of course, at the same time talking about defending the family.

But you have even trumped that one. There we were thinking about how we could get the Scottish Parliament to try and kick-start the process, and, lo and behold, you come up with the genius idea of having the Church of Scotland, in effect, pronouncing itself in favour of gay marriage. Superb! But be careful. Don’t overstretch yourself. I know it must be tempting to sport with the poor darlings, but the Enemy is always dangerous. Of course, he has the incredible weakness of actually caring for the pathetic creatures and he does like to have them on board and use them — for his glory. How disgusting! Anyway please allow an older and wiser colleague to share some tactics with you. This is how we will destroy the Church in Scotland (and thus the whole society).

The groundwork has been done. Remember it is not the issue of sexuality (the Enemy has already told them — unnatural expressions of sex are not the reason for punishment — they are the punishment) — we want to use that to undermine marriage and the other cornerstones of society that the Enemy has provided. How clever of you to muddy the waters so that almost every politician, media opinion former and educator thinks that this is about ‘fairness, justice and human rights’. As long as they use the jargon and don’t think about the meaning, we will be fine. There is nothing more fundamentalist than a secular fundamentalist who does not think that he is a fundamentalist. So, in the name of tolerance, freedom and the family, they will destroy the family, and, in the name of that same freedom and tolerance, refuse to tolerate all those who dare to oppose them. Excellent! Those whom the ‘gods’ wish to destroy, they first made mad — how true!

Speaking of truth — and in general we try to avoid giving that word — it is SO ugly — our Father of Lies was particularly pleased with the appearance of the Bad Bishop on Radio Scotland. It was delicious to hear a ‘man of the cloth’ denouncing the Bible as not being the Word of God. You have the enormous advantage, of course, in knowing that not only does the Bad Bishop not believe in our Enemy, he does not believe in you or I or our Father of Lies. We are part of that great superstition from the past. That dark period, from which more ‘enlightened’ (how wonderful that they use that word to describe the Darkness) beings such as himself, have liberated themselves. Remember that we do not want to get rid of religion; we want to use religion to our advantage. Here endeth the first lesson.

Now for the second. You are in danger of awakening many of the Enemy’s real friends out of their slumber. The one thing we do not want to see is them united as an army, praying and repenting. You would think that with such a brazen assault and splendid victory as has been ours in recent days, they would see the danger, unite together and, as they say, ‘smell the coffee’. Thankfully there are few signs of that yet. You must keep them disunited. Get the ‘evangelicals’ to fight among one another, and to denounce one another. We do not want a split in the Church of Scotland, which runs the danger of revitalising those who actually believe. No — we want a split among the evangelicals. Make sure those who leave feel superior at their ‘sacrifice’ and indignant at those who remain. Convince those who stay that they have been ‘betrayed’ by those who leave, that the church is on the cusp of another ‘revival’ and that they alone are the true custodians of the faith. Better still, sell them the myth that no one should ever leave Mother Church — forgetting that their particular denomination would never have been formed with that attitude. And give them as many straws to cling on to as you can. I particularly love the idea that after the decision, it is being put round that a ‘decision’ has not yet been made and that the Commission which was set up somehow offers hope of turning things around. But offer these creatures even the slightest hope and they will grasp at it. Let them all reflect on personalities, histories, finances, politics, tactics — let them be so preoccupied with these that they forget to ask their Master what he actually wants.

By the way, in this respect you need to be very careful that you do not create genuine martyrs and heroes. I note with some concern that some individual ministers (and, even worse, their congregations) have been making what they would call a stand. Hit them hard. Hurt them. Ridicule them in the press, make them appear like dinosaurs. Cause tensions in any areas of their lives. Look for their weak spots. Tempt them. Wound them. Isolate them. Do not, I repeat, do not, let them get away with it. Our gates cannot prevail against such boldness.

Thirdly, you must use one of our greatest weapons — fear. Not, of course, the awesome, terrible, humbling fear of the Enemy that he calls the beginning of Wisdom. No — you must work on the fears of the flesh. There is so much to be afraid of. Let them think, ‘What will society think?’. Let them fear the loss of buildings and income (and there you have a double victory — they teach against materialism and preach that ‘the Lord will provide’ and yet it is so easy to demonstrate that they hardly believe it). Let them fear the loss of their congregations — but, again, don’t over egg this one. There is a legitimate concern that these shepherds will have for the poor sheep and some will make genuine sacrifices for them. They really do love the horrible creatures. But get them to speak of ‘my’ people, and you are almost there. Why? Because, of course, they are not ‘their’ people, they are ‘his’ people. Let them think that ‘their’ people cannot do without ‘them’. Do not let them fear the loss of the One True Shepherd. He can stand at the door and knock all he wants. You just make sure they don’t let him in!

Meanwhile you must not forget the others who profess to follow the Enemy. The Free Church Assembly was an enormous disappointment. When was the last time a Scottish denomination changed something so apparently essential to their identity and did not split? You let that one slip. Of course, the Free Church is tiny and has been in denial about its own importance and health for a number of years — however, be careful — there are disturbing signs that they are beginning to wake up! Just in case any of the C of S men have any inclination to uniting with their brothers in the Free Church remind them of how ‘backward, Highland, insular and out of touch’ they think the Free Church is — of course, it does not matter if it is true or not — just let them feel it is true and you will prevent at least one catastrophic reunion! I don’t have time to write to you about the Baptists or the Charismatics, etc.

Overall, I am pleased with your work. But don’t be complacent. The job is only half done. The Enemy says that the battle belongs to him. He has weapons and resources that are far more powerful than you have faced up to now. (If you can bear it, look at Ephesians 6 to see the list.) If ever the Church in Scotland returns to believing and acting upon the Word, we will be in real trouble. Isolate and nullify those that do and you will succeed.

Yours diabolically, Your Senior, Pseudos

This is an edited version of an article written by David Robertson of St. Peter’s Free Church and Director of Solas Centre for Public Christianity, and is used with permission. See the original article at http://www.stpeters-dundee.org.uk/node/409