David Murrow, in his book Why Men Hate Going to Church, surveys a number of reasons why many churches have recorded a steep decline in male churchgoing. Across America and the UK it seems that the proportion of female to male churchgoers is increasingly unbalanced. Obviously, if men are disappearing, then the church will become increasingly oriented towards women. This will then make the church even less comfortable for men, and young boys will depart when they reach the age of maturity.
Does this matter?
It matters for a number of reasons, not least that many men become an unreached people group. Many wives are unable to share their faith with their partners and many children grow up associating church primarily with women. The statistics are even more bleak than this. Murrow shows that an increasingly female church is also a declining church. He writes: ‘Once a church’s adult attendance is 70% female, you can write its obituary’. When a church becomes oriented towards women, even many women find it unattractive. A church that is reaching men will reach women too. There are some very obvious reasons for that!
Why are men put off?
The next question is why do men hate going to church? Obviously it is a generalisation, but there are many features of church life that make it particularly awkward for men. Apparent trivialities give men the subconscious message that they are not at home. A focus on flowers and pastel shades, singing songs which make Jesus sound like a romantic boyfriend, running family services which are really only aimed at children (and even they are given colouring-in sheets to distract them!). These are all features which remind many men that they are in alien territory. This problem is nothing new. Charles Spurgeon noted: ‘There has got abroad a notion, somehow, that if you become a Christian you must sink your manliness and turn milksop’. The notion has not gone away!
Subconscious message
I found Murrow’s book very thought provoking. We need to take a look at our religious language, architecture and programmes. Have we become so used to a certain way of doing church that we do not even notice the subconscious message we are sending? But perhaps there is a missing element in Murrow’s book.
Christianity is not a myth or fairy tale. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the true story of a true saviour who defeated death and conquered sin. Therefore, at the heart of church life is a true message that needs clear presentation and solid defence. We need to tackle the objections and rumours head on. We provide arguments against unbelief and demonstrate Christianity is cast iron truth. Debate and dispute can sometimes seem competitive and argumentative. Some Christians feel uncomfortable. Surely such direct engagement with unbelief is incompatible with the loving sensitivity of Jesus? However, the Jesus we read of in all the Gospels regularly engaged in confrontation and dispute (Matthew 21.23; Mark 7.1-23; Luke 11.53-54; John 8.13-14). The apostles continued this debate (Acts 6.9-10; Acts 9.29; Acts 18.28). The writings of early church history show us that the pastors, theologians and evangelists of that time were almost all engaged in debate and dialogue with non-Christian culture.
When did we come to think that a robust defence of the Christian faith is somehow incompatible with love and grace? Whenever that happened, the church became toothless! Why do men hate going to church? Perhaps one reason is that we are not giving a word back to those who ask us the reason for the hope we have within (1 Peter 3.15). Apologetics is a necessary part of evangelism and church life. As we see with such leading examples as John Lennox, Ravi Zacharias and William Lane Craig, when we confront unbelief with passion and conviction that the Bible is true, we do something that engages men. And women.
Chris Sinkinson is pastor of Alderholt Chapel & lectures in Apologetics at Moorlands College, Christchurch.
An interview with David Murrow appeared in the December 2005 issue of EN and can be found at http://www.e-n.org.uk/3245-Why-men-hate-going-to-church.htm
