Louise Morse says there is a great opportunity for churches as Britain becomes too busy for its old people
Britain has become ‘too busy’ to find time for older people.
This is according to the tens of thousands who rang up The Silver Line Helpline. Set up by Esther Rantzen a few months ago, it has taken calls from more than 100,000 people. Most lived alone and more than half said they had no one else to speak to other than the Helpline. Nearly half of callers often spent more than a day without talking to anyone, and for others, it was more than a week.
Loneliness
In May this year a Think Tank urged the government to do more to tackle loneliness amongst the over-65s, suggesting that the 6.2 million people who do not have basic digital skills could be trained to use the internet. Although the fastest growing sector of new internet users are those aged 65 and over, for many older people the thought of learning new, technical skills can be quite frightening. Ms Ranzten says, ‘They need somebody to sit alongside them to say ‘it’s not that bad’. She added: ‘Loneliness is alleviated with relationships, with company, so what it has to do is link people to people’.
No contact with neighbours
A decade or so ago people could expect contact with their neighbours, even if it were just a five minute chat over the garden fence. But in a recent poll of 10.3 million pensioners by AGE UK, just over a third said they couldn’t rely on neighbours for help and support. They said that they didn’t want to be a burden and that younger neighbours always seemed to be so busy. The study follows earlier research showing that the problem of isolation is particularly acute among older men who are suffering in silence because of a ‘stiff upper lip’.
Studies have shown links between isolation and a more rapid decline in health, more falls and a greater likelihood of smoking. There is also a correlation between feelings of loneliness and the risk of developing dementia.
Many churches are ahead of the published findings and are already reaching out to the lonely in their neighbourhoods. Where councils have had to close day centres because of lack of funding, churches are organising events such as weekday meetings and lunch clubs. Our Pilgrim Friends’ Society talk on ‘Engaging Older People’ attracts many church leaders, such as the couple leading the work for older people in their church who came to a Christian Resources Exhibition (CRE) solely to attend the talk and ask our advice.
Fear of being a burden
Reaching older people is not always as simple as it seems. As the Age UK poll showed, they ‘do not want to be a burden’. Older Christians often say the same, though they should know that we are required to bear one another’s burdens, and ‘so fulfil the law of Christ’ (Galatians 6.20). Evangelist John Stott wrote that ‘we should be burdensome to one another’. It might help if pastors preached more on this principle now, before we all become old, and point out the ungod-liness of striving for independence. God gives us autonomy of choice, but makes it clear that we should be dependent on one another.
It’s not always easy, reaching out to older people. They are wary of being patronised, or treated as children. In his book, Attitudes to Ageing and Dying, former haematologist and pathologist Dr Robert Powell shows how this happens in the NHS, where older people are often addressed by their first name and treated as children. Being on guard against this can make older people defensive, especially when they’re fighting just to keep going and do not want to admit any weakness.
A vicar told us about an older church member he wanted to visit, but who put him off by saying: ‘There’s nothing wrong with me! You should spend your time visiting people who need you’. A different approach might help, such as asking for involvement with the church prayer list, or just news of people in the fellowship and what’s happening in church. Each individual is different and they are the expert on themselves, so perhaps it’s best to ask what they would like us to do for them. A former missionary who felt increasingly isolated by her deafness, but who could use the internet, became the link between missionaries and their prayer needs and people in the fellowship.
Small touches
Being a friend to lonely older people often works best as a series of small touches. If they are not church members, just letting them know you are there for them would be a good start.
To the couple who visited at CRE I described the ‘Time and Talent’ grid, which is basically a spreadsheet list of volunteers and their talents and the time they have available – which could be anything from ten minutes a week to a whole afternoon. It aims to encourage everyone to get involved, even people who feel they would not like to go visiting. For example, someone could make an extra cake when baking, or fill a small dish from a big family casserole to be taken around by someone else. It could be as simple as finding people who are willing to be telephoned for a chat and the times they are available. Or the handyman (or woman) who could pop around and change a light bulb, or help filling in a form. Once the list of ‘helps’ is drawn up, they could be printed out, together with the church contact, and handed to people in the community. This will only work if the pastoral team is fully behind it and if there is an enthusiastic team leader who will organise and encourage.
A good place to start could be with older people who have stopped coming to church because of frailty or other difficulties. Many tell us that they feel they have become invisible. A 96-year-old told how the only church visitor she had was the person who came around with an envelope for her monthly tithe after she stopped going to church because her legs had become too unreliable. To be fair to her pastor, when I spoke to him he said everyone thought she was attending another church now, but no-one had had the time to check.
Real desire to help
Perhaps there’s the nub of it – time and intent dictate so much. Where neighbourhoods used to have wives and mothers who were home most of the day, now everyone is at work and the street is lined with empty houses. Secular Britain may be too busy for its older people, but it shouldn’t be true of the church. We are to make our days count (Psalm 90.12). We are to make the most of every opportunity (Ephesians 5:16).
From conversations with church members we meet at exhibitions and conferences it’s clear there is a real desire to respond to the challenge of loneliness and isolation and many are already working to make it happen.
