Speaking the truth in love

‘Counselling’ is a good Bible word.

And it’s a perfectly good way of describing what happens in Christian ministry (see this column in January en). But this month let’s start in another place – with language that is even more explicitly biblical.

‘Speaking the truth in love’ is such a term. It’s a key component of ministry in Ephesians Chapter 4 – pretty much at the heart of it in fact – but are we clear what it is (and isn’t)?

1.It is more than confrontational.

When someone declares their intention to ‘speak the truth in love’ to you it is rarely a happy prospect. Time to man the barricades and prepare for the verbal equivalent of a double barrelled shotgun. Speaking the truth in love becomes shorthand for ‘giving you a piece of my mind’ and ‘getting something off my chest’.

Yet who says speaking the truth in love is just about confrontation? How about gentle reminders of gospel hope to those overcome with despair? Or compassionate assurances of forgiveness to those crushed by guilt? Aren’t those speaking the truth in love as well?

2.It is always maturational.

According to Ephesians 4, speaking the truth in love moves believers from immaturity to maturity. Verse 14 is a picture of chaos. People blown all over the place by every wind of teaching. No foundation. No stability. But verse 15 couldn’t be more different: a body joined and held together by every supporting ligament; grown to become the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ. No more chaos; no more deceit. And what gets us from verse 14 to verse 15? Speaking the truth in love does.

3.It is one activity, not two.

Speaking the truth in love has two bits: truth and love. Neither is optional. Speaking lovingly by going light on truth may seem attractive, but it stops being love. Love would never leave a person blind to their sin. It’s hateful to do that. On the other hand, however, (and this may be the bit we need to hear) proclaiming truth without love means we are no longer speaking truly. Truth, like knowledge, is personal. Jesus was the truth and he was also the very embodiment of the love of God. It simply wasn’t possible for him to be one without the other. He was always true and he was always love. And though we may never do it perfectly, we ought to strive to do the same and speak the truth in love.

4.It is for all of us.

Some people are just good at this counselling business. They have a way with words and they always seem to know the right thing to say. Even in tough places they get it spot on. But some people are great singers too. They never miss a note. They have a vocal range to die for. We have people like that at our church. I suppose we could leave all the singing to them. But we don’t. We sing together, because that seems to be what God wants. Speaking the truth in love isn’t for a specialised subset of the people of God. It’s mainstream. We are all to do it. A bit like singing.

Biblical counselling is about the business of helping improve our skills in speaking the truth in love. It means praying for change and depending on the Holy Spirit. It means doing conversations better. More truthfully. More lovingly. It means more maturity.