‘I struggled to function at all’

Tim Thornborough interviews Christopher Ash for en about his personal experience of burnout reflected in his new book

Christopher Ash was until recently the director of the Cornhill Training Course.

Cornhill equips men and women for Bible ministry in the local church. He’s now written Zeal without Burnout (The Good Book Company) to help both those in paid ministry and others serving hard in their spare time avoid needless burnout.

TT: What exactly is burnout?
CA: It’s where the healthy pressures that cause us to function really well – that get us out of bed in the morning – go over the top and we cease to function properly. It may be gradual or it may be sudden, but one way or another we crash and we cease to be able to do what we’re called to do.

TT: Tell us about your burnout experience?
CA: There have been two times when I’ve come to the edge of burnout. The first was when I was leading a church plant some years ago. By God’s grace the church was busy; we were perhaps growing a little bit. And I hit the wall one day – I just remember sitting at my desk trying to prepare something, staring out the window thinking: I can’t do this. I can’t go to another meeting. I stopped. With help and support I had some weeks off, and by God’s grace I was ok again. But I felt I was on the brink.

The second time was worse. I’d been working for eight years at Cornhill – it was busy, we hadn’t always been fully staffed, we’d had all sorts of pressures. So I was really looking forward to a bit of rest on a planned sabbatical, and so was Carolyn, my wife. But as the sabbatical started my adrenalin stopped and I crashed. My morale went through the floor and I just struggled to function at all. I had difficulty getting out of bed or having any motivation to do anything. It was hard to relate to other people and my sleep patterns were very broken. It was a tough two or three months. I took a long time to recover – and in some ways I’m not sure I’ve yet fully recovered.

TT: What were some of those steps that helped you come back from the edge?
CA: Partly reducing my workload. When I went back my colleagues picked up more than they would have done before, and did that generously and sacrificially. That was a real help. Making sure I had a bit more by way of breaks – and ultimately in moving out of the pressure cooker of central London.

A very kind Christian GP gave me a piece of advice which ought to have been blindingly obvious: ‘Christopher, ask yourself: what are the kinds of things that energise you – that stir you up and get you going? And what are the things that drain you and sap you? It will depend on your personality what those are, but you’ll know. As far as it is in your power, try and make sure that in your normal life there is enough that energises you.’

TT: What causes burnout?
CA: I guess it varies from person to person. For me, it was the relentlessness of interrupted days in which it was very hard to do any sustained thinking and preparation. But in addition there’s the fact that people are so draining. We want to care for people – that’s what we’re about – but people are draining. We’re all draining!

There can also be a sort of internal pressure that we put on ourselves. The human heart is so deceitful – there’s such a fine line between wanting to do something out of zeal for Jesus and wanting to do something so that other people will see how zealous I am. It’s always that strange ambiguity in our motives.

TT: In Zeal without Burnout you identify one ‘neglected’ biblical truth and seven practical keys to help us avoid burnout. What is that central truth? Why is it neglected?
CA: The truth that I’ve homed in on is that you and I are dust. In this life we are dust; we’re created from dust; one day God our creator will say ‘return to dust’ and on that day we will return to dust. And I guess we hate that frailty and fragility, because we believe the devil’s lie in Genesis 3 where he said ‘You can be like God’ – and I would love to think that I could be like God.

The wonderful flipside of that is that God is God and he is determined to build his kingdom; he’s determined to put Jesus in charge of the world; he’s determined to bring people in from East and West – and he will do it. And that’s wonderfully liberating, because it means that ultimately the whole gospel project of Jesus being acknowledged to be king does not depend on us.

TT: How can a church be sure to burn its pastor out?
CA: I love the irony in that question! So here goes: Make quite sure that grace is not the atmosphere that’s breathed in church life and in the expectations of the pastor. Make it clear that the expectations are in terms of performance and success. Make it clear that that’s what you value about your pastor – not their faithfulness, not their prayerfulness, but their success. Affirm that, encourage that, congratulate that, and let them know that that’s what really matters. Make sure that you expect him to be available at every hour of the day or night for trivial things, never mind the important things. Push him; grind him into the dust.

TT: What about the other point of view – how can we help our leaders avoid burnout and have a sustainable ministry? 
CA: Make it clear that you share with them the belief that the fruit comes from God and that it doesn’t all depend on them, or the rest of us. That’s really helpful. It’s important to have some kind of support group for senior leadership who can begin to detect if something’s wrong. Get alongside his wife and ask how things are going at home. If need be, make it quite clear to a church leader that you want him to take a break; you want him to recover; you want him to be able to cope; you’re supporting him.

TT: What are some of the warning signs in yourself – or in others – that might suggest you’re in danger of burnout?
CA: Broken sleep patterns – when that becomes an endemic thing rather than an occasional thing. Exhaustion, low morale – and, if someone’s married, what’s going on at the heart of marriage? Is there a healthy intimacy – or not? That’s often a warning sign, I think. An anxiety and the equivalent of writer’s block; preacher’s block you could call it – somebody who just can’t get past the block of preparing whatever it is they’re meant to be preparing. That kind of thing can often be a symptom, I think.

Having an unbalanced life: Are they getting exercise? Are they doing anything that refreshes them? Are they becoming a really boring person? I had! I’m still a boring person, but I’m trying to become marginally less boring – and that must be a good thing!

TT: Christopher, what’s your hope for Zeal without Burnout?
CA: I would love all zealous Christians to be warned of the dangers of burnout caused by our own mistakes. Those who think they stand need to take heed lest they fall. I’d love there to be more who can say at the end of their lives: ‘I’ve kept going in the service of Jesus, joyfully and gladly. And sometimes it’s been tough, but I’ve kept going because I’ve recognised these Bible truths, and there’s therefore a gladness and joy in my perseverance.’ I’d love it if it contributed in some small way to that.