Here’s a morbid thought.
Have you thought about your funeral? Not the practical arrangements outlined in the leaflets that drop through the letterbox from time to time, but the service itself – the hymns, the Scriptures, the message, and the people who will be there.
I’ve told my nearest and dearest that my funeral service is saved in my computer and on file in the cabinet, and that there is to be no deviation from it. I’ve written down the hymns and songs, and have even left instructions for the pastor; he is to talk about Heaven and make it clear that there is only one Way to it, and extend an invitation to any who have not yet found the Way. Everything at my funeral must point to Jesus, and how wonderful he is.
Question time
But few Christians will talk about their funeral service, or more importantly – what they would like to happen as they approach the end of their lives. It’s strange that we will talk about eternal life and sometimes even try to imagine what Heaven is like, but we won’t talk about the process of passing from this life to the next. We seem to positively avoid it.
During a question time at the end of a seminar about living well in old age, a doctor/GP took the microphone and robustly demanded to know why Christians were afraid of death. She went on to give the scriptural view of the death of a believer and was so exercised about it that we had to limit her time.
Yet it is something that we do need to talk about. We need to let our loved ones know what our wishes are for our end of life. I’m currently visiting an elderly relative in hospital who has made it clear that at no time does she want to endure the resuscitation process. She tells us that at 89, she has led a full life and now her bodily condition is so untenable that she wants to be with the Lord as soon as possible. Many of our older, frail residents say the same. My relative has also made it clear that she wants someone to hold her hand as she is dying – she doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t mind where she dies, as long as she is being well cared for. But each person is different.
One of our home managers recalls a patient who wanted to be completely alone when he died. In contrast, a very poorly resident asked to be sent back to the home from hospital so that he could die in his familiar room, in a place with carers he knew and trusted and with relatives visiting.
Time of completion
People who are experienced in helping the dying tell us that it can be a time when life is more intense than it’s ever been. It can be a time of completion; of saying things that needed to be said, but the opportunities haven’t presented. Sometimes people who are dying need to be ‘given permission’ to let go.
A daughter tells of being at her mother’s bedside with her brothers, with each sibling telling their mother that they will be alright and will look out for one another. As the last one spoke, her mother, who was sleeping deeply, sighed and seemed to relax even further. Her breathing changed and she died shortly afterwards. There are other accounts of people hanging on, waiting for someone to travel from a distance.
Not always tidy
‘Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints’, says Psalm 116.15. Yet death is not always tidy. When the time comes, lots of things seem to happen at once. But the one thing you can do is to decide what is important to you, and be prepared well in advance. You can talk about it with your family and friends, and make what is called an advance directive. Then not only do you have a road-map that will help you and your loved ones navigate through unfamiliar and difficult terrain, but you will be able to avoid the regrets that can come when things are left too late. And thinking about the inevitability of death may prompt us to live life to the full, while we can. A Christian musician has written a song called, ‘Live like you were dying’ that’s worth a listen. www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9TShlMkQnc
Help and guidance
People are often hesitant about bringing up the topic of end of life care with their parents or elderly relatives for fear they may upset them with thoughts of death, or even be seen to be anticipating the worst for them. So for help and guidance, we (Pilgrims’ Friend Society) have produced a booklet called What Matters in the End – End of Life Care. Firmly within a Christian context, it draws on the latest research and government guidelines and includes contributions from specialists. It is available throughout our website or by contacting our London office.
