God’s heart for adoption

Dave Stone explains how every Christian can be involved

If you’re a Christian reading this, you are already involved in adoption.

Adoption is central to the gospel; rebels against God brought into his family. We were all born into Satan’s family, lost in Adam’s sin, following our first father and without hope. But in his wonderful mercy God has adopted us. We have been brought near to God not because we were special, but by his sheer grace. We can call the holy God of the universe ‘Father’! Adoption is something wonderful for all Christians to celebrate.

Advocating adoption

Because all Christians have been adopted, I believe we should all be advocates for adoption. To take children needing a home into your family is one of the best things in the world. Let me give you just two of many reasons why.

Firstly, adoption allows us to show gospel grace to others. There are many, many children in the care system in this country desperate for a loving home. Adoption gives us a chance to re-enact the love of God towards them. We can’t justify anyone, we can’t bring new life to anyone, we can’t redeem anyone – only God can do these things. But excitingly, we can adopt someone. What an amazing gospel picture we are able to be involved in: bringing a child hope!

Secondly, adoption cares for the most vulnerable in society. Throughout the Bible, God’s people are reminded of his heart for the weak, powerless and defenceless. In our country, those in care are vulnerable. Many children are in care because they cannot get the love and protection they need from their birth families. The statistics are alarmingly clear – children in care generally do far less well than children in stable families. Children need a home with a family who love them. Yes, adoption may mean looking after children with difficult and traumatic backgrounds. I am not saying that adoption always works out well. You need to be really aware of what you are getting involved in, especially with older children. But adoption is our chance to provide genuine, lasting care.

Being involved in adoption

If that’s even remotely fired you up to consider adoption, please don’t let that interest fade. We’ve spoken to lots of people who have considered adoption, but very few who’ve taken a next step. Finding out more is not difficult! Yes, the process of being approved for adoption does take time (around six months), but it’s not impossible to navigate and helpful training is provided.

The obvious place to start is to talk to someone who has adopted. Most adopters would love to chat through their story and to encourage others. The ‘Homeforgood’ website is also a great source of information and advice.

Practicalities of adoption

The next step is to go along to an open evening. You can adopt either through a local authority or an agency, and you can investigate as many as you like before committing. At an open evening you can find out more about a particular agency and hear about their training. We investigated a few before selecting one because we felt that we clicked with them. Why not take the plunge and attend an open evening?

There are a few prerequisites though – if you have other children, there needs to be at least a two- year age gap between them and an adopted child. You need to have a spare room and secure tenure in your accommodation. You need to be able to take time off work to care for a child (most agencies expect one parent to take a year) and to have lived where you are for six months. But that’s about it. So please don’t assume that you couldn’t adopt …

You may not be too old – yes, you need to be physically capable but there is no fixed upper age limit. You may not be too poor – in contrast to the US, in the UK domestic adoption is almost entirely funded by local authorities and charities. The only thing we needed to pay for was a private medical. Lastly, you may not be too Christian. People are often surprised to find that, even as a pastor and his wife, there haven’t been barriers to us adopting.

The popular perception that adoption is becoming closed to Christians is wrong. Yes, you will be asked your views on sexuality and different religions, but provided you can answer wisely and graciously as well as truthfully, you should be okay. That’s not to say you’ll never face negativity because of your faith, but social workers also recognise the huge benefits of being in a loving church with people from different ages, cultures and backgrounds.

Supporting adoption

If you do decide adoption isn’t for you, that’s okay. But you can still be involved in supporting it. Just like any other parenting, adoption needs to take place in community. More than just the love of wider family, adopters need the support of a local church. So how can God’s people help?

Firstly, be a church that celebrates adoption. Churches are usually great at celebrating Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day, and there’s always great excitement at a new baby. Not only is this a challenge to those who aren’t able to have children, it often stops at just enjoying biological family. Is your church rejoicing in adoption from the front? Are you praying for adopters and for children in the care system? Celebrating adoption is not only a real encouragement to adopters (and prospective adopters) it reminds all of us of the way adoption is central to the gospel.

Secondly, if you’re not an adopter, don’t be afraid to speak to those who are. Adoption can often be a lonely and emotional process. We found it massively helpful having a dedicated group of friends praying for us along the way. Perhaps you could be a friend like that? As ever, be wary about assuming, but instead ask questions (although some answers can’t be shared because they are confidential) and be prepared to listen, learn and love.

Thirdly, don’t have particular expectations of adopted kids. Many will have spent time in the care system, often being moved from birth family through multiple foster homes before being adopted. They may have struggles that birth children don’t. Adoptive parents may have to deal with difficult behaviour and deep-seated anxieties. It’s hard to do this if they feel that the church is judging them when their children are less than perfectly behaved. Please be kind and compassionate and pray for their parenting.

How to help

Finally, be creative in how you offer to help. Adopters will have all the challenges of parenting (sleepless nights, tantrums, dirty nappies!) along with a whole set of adoption-specific issues. One of the things we couldn’t get over when we started caring for a new child was the sheer number of meetings and appointments we were expected to be at – at least one a day for the first couple of weeks. The rest of life got pressured and we really appreciated help.

Don’t be too upset, though, if you aren’t asked to babysit or offered cuddles with a new arrival – adopted kids need loads of exclusive space and time to bond with their new parents. Could you cook a meal to give parents time together? Could you offer to take an older child to the park, to give parents time with a new arrival? Could you simply come round and clean? There are countless way to be part of the adoption process through simple, practical care for adopt-ers and it makes a huge difference to them.

That’s the challenge for us as a church. Are we excited enough about adoption? We are already involved in God’s adoption of us. So why not think and pray about how you could be involved and show God’s love in the adoption of those who really need care.