Mum’s the word

Sit-coms are the younger brother of soap operas.

Both deal in the everyday world we all inhabit, where hardship and struggle meet banal familiarity. Both are often regarded as superficial and unreal; they’re seen as cheap, escapist trash, not ‘cultured’. But what is popular can show us a lot about our society and ourselves.

This is definitely true of BAFTA award winning Mum, a BBC2 sit-com which has just finished its second series. Such has been its popularity that another series is in the pipeline. Directed by Stefan Golaszewski and starring the brilliant Lesley Manville as Cathy, the mum of the title, this series has been described as quiet and gentle, but also at times almost unbearable in its poignancy.

Setting the scene

Cathy is a widow, who is about to celebrate her 60th birthday as the second series opens. Each episode takes place in real time and stands a month or so apart, usually set on a family occasion, such as bonfire night, New Year’s Eve or the day of departure for holiday.

And it’s in this way that we manage to meet the other key players as they congregate at Cathy’s house. There are her grown-up son and his girlfriend who still live with Cathy, despite plans to move out; her aged parents-in-law full of grumbles and ill health; her divorced brother and his soon-to-be-divorced new girlfriend and Michael, an old family friend who pops in to help Cathy out and quietly adores her. All depend on Cathy; she is the foil for their noisy failures, the still and solid centre of their worlds.

Development in the mundane

In an obvious way all these characters are stereotypes: amongst the women there is a snobbish nag, a dim blonde, a crotchety old woman and, of course, the saintly mum. The men are mostly blundering fools. But, as the comedy develops, so do the characters and in their progression we see unexpected tenderness and vulnerability.

So Kelly, the dim girlfriend, has a mum who constantly puts her down. The old couple insult each other, but the husband arranges pillows for his ailing wife with incredible care. Character is equally revealed in what is said and what isn’t said, in the frequent pauses and hesitations. This all feels real, as do the mundane details of the action (putting out rubbish, folding up ironing boards and ever-so-frequent going to the loo, which never normally happen in TV dramas) and the ongoing, unspoken pain of Cathy’s bereavement.

Loyalty and love

There is bad language in this series, so some readers may not be comfortable watching. At heart, though, this is a comedy about loyalty and love. While the possible romance between Michael and Cathy keeps us wondering, behind this are the deep connections of family and partnership, all of which rely on sacrifice and promise. The very contemporary array of relationships, from marriage to live-in partnerships and friendship, all display a yearning for security and acceptance. And what makes Cathy so central is her uncomplaining self-sacrifice as she welcomes these unlovely people into her home at the most inconvenient times, biting her tongue and making them cups of tea, but somehow, through her welcome, revealing their needs. Cathy is the saviour they want. But Cathy, as a human saviour, can’t do it all. She loves with an open heart, but can’t tell them the truth.

Some reviewers have got fed up with this. Let Cathy throw away her apron and run away from it all, said the Guardian, frustrated that a show which seems to exalt an idealised mother should be given attention in this day and age. Wouldn’t it be better for her to indulge herself and tell all her needy dependents to get lost? Certainly Mum doesn’t fit the current idea of womanhood, when we should all be true to ourselves and live our dreams. But then, motherhood itself doesn’t really fit either.

Where does this leave us? How are we to relate to such a high view of self-sacrifice?

World hungry for love

Throughout the Bible, marriage and parenthood are held in esteem, but ultimately they are symbols of God’s love for his people. Motherhood and fatherhood are not in the end the biggest thing; God’s parental care is. Married love is important, but much greater is the loyal, self-giving, truth-telling love of Christ for his people. Mum shows us a world which is hungry for this love and struggling to find it in flawed people. The gospel shows us the true source of the love we see glimmers of, and redirects our gaze to the God who can truly save.