Gavin Childress imagines how C.S. Lewis’s fictional devil would have used digital technology
My dear Wormwood,
Celebrations continued here all night when we heard that your patient at last has devoted himself to our most effective tool to date: the Internet. Of course, on its own it can be an instrument for endless Good or endless Evil. It has nothing essentially sinister about it any more than a blank page or a television screen; yet thanks to our modest efforts, and the hearts of men and women, a vast amount of it will serve our interests day and night.
Bunyan, the old Puritan, foresaw the whole thing. He spoke of a Fairground devoted to evil. He said: ‘Here are to be seen, too – and that for nothing – thefts, murders, adulteries, false-swearers, and that of a blood-red colour.’ Thankfully very few of the Enemy’s followers heeded the warning. At last, in almost every home, we have introduced Vanity Fair.
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You write that your patient’s Server is slow. That can be to our advantage. In other circumstances, humans sometimes find that waiting causes disgust at the object waited for. With the Internet, it usually serves to increase their relish.
You probably noticed that the Enemy, as if to warn Mankind, allowed this tool to be called ‘The Inter-net’; and ‘The World Wide Web’. In any other context humans would make recur- ring jokes about it being a sticky sort of trap. However, instead the vermin regard it with a strange kind of Reverence. This all began many years ago, when people felt Computers had a kind of infallibility. Once the machines became accessible to ordinary humans they felt honoured to use them. Now their use is almost compulsory. Schools insist that homework is done online. Socially, everyone seems herded into WhatsApp and Facebook. Your patient’s friends, for instance, would almost choke on their own disbelief if a human they otherwise respected had no email address!
By throwing in a cheap holiday or two, we can easily get the humans to embark on endless searches for bargains. The discontent aroused makes us very happy. Thus, a woman who hated window-shopping and said it was ‘Timewasting’ later spent countless hours shop- ping online. She is now safely with us.
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The destructive effect on Society is easily masked. Countless jobs have been lost and shops shut; but few of the humans even notice. The joy which the Enemy used to put into shopping: Human interaction and Good Humour have been all but lost.
Family Days Out used to involve fresh air, laughter and tree climbing. Now it seems Days Out have become a hotbed of individ- ualism. How sweet it is to see, on a sunny day in the Park, family circles, couples, small groups – each individual peering into their own separate screen. They may as well be alone in a Basement. How strange to see a human being sitting almost motionless, but looking at Snowboarding as if they were themselves exer- cising in the Great Outdoors!
‘Selfies’ are a great asset also. Try to get your patient to take as many pictures as he can on a day out; so that he never really communicates either with the landscape or the Enemy. Then, fill his timetable so that he never gets time to enjoy the pictures retrospectively. Thus, he will be robbed of the joy of the Present and of the Past. The game just feels too good to be true!
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However, our most effective tactic has been with regard to Words. Words can be rich, incisive, transforming, life changing. However, when we present too many of them, all that is heard is Noise. Our joy has been to allow Words, countless Words, to fill the Internet. It is so heartening to pour Words by the million over the heads of the human vermin, until they feel no effect from them. Thus, a Martin Luther, standing up today and uploading his Ninety-Five Theses onto a German website might arouse only a small Twitter feed of opposition. It would hardly transform Europe!
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Of course, there are many areas in which the Internet has been used to damage our efforts. Some of the friends of the Enemy have used it to pass the message of Eternal Life outside of borders which we have constructed. They say that many in the Middle East, China and else- where are hearing the New Testament for the first time. Your aim is to reduce to a minimum any use of the Internet which increases Hope and Life. Thankfully, even the most casual glance at their content will show you that at least 80% of websites are devoted to our inter- ests. Sites which serve the Enemy can be easily used to sweeten your patient’s surfing. In a short while he will feel a certain glow of pride if he entered the Internet without looking at its Pornography and corruption. Later on, you can make him feel his ‘good’ use of the Internet has now warranted his examination of all that is unwholesome and sent with our blessing.
The key thing is to use what one of the humans called ‘Doublethink’. In a book pub- lished in 1949 a rather far-seeing man wrote: ‘The Ministry of Peace concerns itself with war, the Ministry of Truth with lies, the Ministry of Love with torture and the Ministry of Plenty with starvation.’ Such an approach is just what we want.
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Human beings have a deep propensity to this kind of self-delusion. Thus, although he knows at one level that the Internet is a very public place, snooped upon by many, help him to feel it is very private. Children can be made to feel that, through their Smartphones, they are communicating to hundreds of ‘friends’. Keep from them the delicious but pathetic reality that they are losing the ability to communicate face-to-face, and that their true friends lessen by the day.
I have enjoyed helping a morbidly obese man think that he is a cycling enthusiast, by watch- ing videos of cyclists and their ‘fails’ all day.
Occasionally your patient may feel a cer- tain disgust at the hours he has wasted. It is well known that what the humans call ‘Two Hours’ seems to them like 20 Minutes online. If he becomes Repulsed, and Satiated, things may, for a moment, seem perilous. Yet Satiety causes us very little harm in the long run. The human vermin have never really learned the difference between Satiety and True Remorse. Think of all the humans who stumble out of Restaurants saying: ‘I cannot eat another thing for a week!’ Yet, that very night they will be looking through their fridges to find some cheese. What the humans call ‘Repentance’ is mostly just Satiety in disguise. They have their fill of sin, and they feel repulsed. However, in a short while, they return hungry for more. If your patient feels Satiated, let him go into the outdoors. Let him feel that every stroll, every moment breathing the Enemy’s air has earned him time online. He will come home refreshed, and ready to go back to his little screen.
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In terms of the content of the sites he visits, the task is very simple. At one time it seemed quite difficult for Tempters to turn a Dr Jekyll into a Mr Hyde. Now, with the help of a com- puter, it has become easy. Your patient will not see the incongruity. Just help him to maintain a spirit of healthy curiosity. He can be led by degrees, like a hungry squirrel chasing peanuts. Just lead him site by site, from the crass to the corrupting; from the devious to the diabolical. In a short time, he will be viewing material he would never have considered offline in his wild- est dreams. His addiction will more than repay your time. Get his friends to send him countless time-wasting emails about any nonsense you like. In this way, just by frittering away their precious earthly time, countless humans have been brought to our Infernal Kingdom. Get him to miss and delete ‘important’ emails, while he pores over nonsensical ones.
It almost overwhelms me when I think of the countless hours squandered and souls hurt by the use of such a curious little invention. It makes our life so much less fraught. Just sit back and relax. Your main task will be just to ensure that your patient never has a Power Cut.
Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape
