In April each year the United States has a day dedicated to parents taking their children to work with them.
Forbes business magazine suggest that over 37million American’s take part. Children get to see what their parent’s workplace is like and what their work involves, and so perhaps they also see why their parents sometimes come home tired and stressed! I think it’s a great idea. As a child I had little idea what my parent’s work really involved.
However, there is one kind of child that does have a good idea of what their parents work is like – the children of pastors and ministry workers. A minister’s children see their mum or dad at work whenever there’s a church member round for a coffee and chat. They see their parents at work when they are up at night trying to finish that sermon (or even just trying to convince the printer to print that sermon).
I know some grown-up children of ministers who saw this unique upbringing as a privilege. They got to see people growing in Christ and caring for one another up close and personal. Sadly however, I also know some who see it very differently. To them, ministry work seemed burdensome and their parents lacked time to spend being parents. Sometimes the result has been that these children walked away from the Christ their parents were serving. There are always deeper reasons for that, but surely it must influence a child’s thoughts if they only ever see their parents fraught by ministry and lacking any quality time to spend with them?
Late again
Recently, God has challenged me to ensure that ministry life doesn’t take over family life. As part of my studies I’ve undertaken a ministry placement in a local church. I learnt a lot and I could see how God used it to shape me as a pastor after his own heart. One significant lesson I learned was the importance of getting the right balance between ministry and family life – and I learnt it the hard way.
I’ve been married to Rachel for five years now and we have two young sons. During the placement I would often find myself leaving sermon prep until Saturday night and Sunday morning, meaning that on a Sunday that should be the best day of the week, I was stressed and grumpy. Not only that, I was working on a Saturday that should have been a day off to enjoy as a family.
As is typical, it took me a few weeks to realise the mistake I was making and the effect it was having on our lives. I was challenged that I was not living in a balanced, healthy way and, as Ajith Fernando writes, that ‘does not mean doing everything in moderation; rather it means, being obedient in every area of life.’1
My seemingly small errors in time management during the week meant that my family were neglected and I was unnecessarily stressed. Through that time, my conviction was reinforced that part of the office of an elder is to manage his home well and I think an aspect of that is simple time management (1 Tim. 3:1-7).
The next week I did sermon prep, I ensured that I’d finished by Friday afternoon allowing us to enjoy Saturday together, and our church family got a more rested and joyful Matt! I hope that’s something I’ll keep doing for the rest of my life. The last thing I want is for my children and wife to dread Sunday, where daddy is always busy and irritated, and instead I want them to see ministry, even with its challenges, as the privilege it is as we serve the bride of our groom!
Most of all, I hope to be obedient in every area of life so that our church has a pastor who shepherds them graciously and joyfully as Christ does for me, our children have a caring dad who makes time for them as my Father does for me, and my wife has a loving husband who loves her as Christ loves me.
Matt is married to Rachel and they have two young sons. He’s training for ministry in the EPCEW and is studying on the BA programme at Union School of Theology.
