As we prepare to re-open our churches Ann Benton gives us some thoughts about making the Sabbath a delight for the whole family
Recently reading Anthony Trollope’s Barchester Towers I was reminded again about how the fourth commandment and its observance has come into such bad repute. In that book, remembering the Sabbath Day is a cause passionately espoused by the hypocritical (what else?) evangelical chaplain, Mr Slope. The cause is also championed by the bishop’s wife with a kind of malicious fervour which is the very antithesis of the joy and liberty it was supposed to proclaim when first given to Moses on the mount.
Since, in the late 20th century, Sunday officially became the day for sports, shopping and other recreational activities, the Christian family can feel under great pressure about the use of Sunday and be tempted to reduce it to merely turning up at church, once, as it were to get it over with. It is all too easy to cave in and compromise with cultural norms, thus rendering the fourth commandment meaningless. The opposite extreme would be to present Sunday to our children in purely negative terms.
So, what follows are ten ways to make Sunday what it was designed to be, the best day of the week.
1. Expectation
So much of parenting comes down to expectation (e.g. expect obedience and you will get it.) When it comes to Sunday, parental enthusiasm or otherwise will be contagious. If we wake on Sunday with a sigh and pursue its rituals with a grim determination and a readiness to complain, we should not be surprised if our children do the same. On other hand, if Sunday is anticipated by everyone with pleasure and is presented as special, full of different and delightful traditions, unique to that day of the week, it could be a weekly kind of mini-Christmas, without all the nonsense.
2. Preparation
Don’t let Sunday take you by surprise – after all, you know it is coming. So, if there are extra tasks attached to it, get as many of those as possible done on Saturday evening. Again, the Christmas parallel – magazines in December are full of culinary countdowns, as though no one had ever cooked a roast dinner for ten before. The point of those is that with a little forethought you can still enjoy the day. Plan your Sunday menu ahead and have it in the freezer ready to defrost, or prep the vegetables. Get all homework done on Saturday so that Sunday is free of that kind of mundane stuff. When the children were young, we always agreed on Saturday night what clothes would be worn, to cut down dithering or arguments. Before we went to bed on Saturday night the sitting room was presentable and possibly the table was laid. This all adds to the sense of anticipation for the best day.
3. Orientation
Sunday is the Lord’s Day. During the six days we have been labouring we may have lost our perspective or sense of direction in life. When one of my boys asked me why we always went to church on Sunday, I answered that it was the day when we remember that God is the centre, not us. He made us; we did not make ourselves. So, one tradition to reinforce that was the playing of ‘Sunday music’ as we got up and prepared and ate breakfast. The songs of Zion are a joyous way of remembering the Sabbath and the Lord of the Sabbath and there are so many excellent and accessible ones for all the family. You could even make your own compilation. Or sing them yourselves.
4. Liberation
There are things that parents may intentionally opt out of doing on a Sunday. Their children will be well aware that other children up and down the country will be engaging in all kinds of ‘cool’ pursuits which are not on offer to them. But even unbelievers now recognise the value of observing a sabbath, with regard to screen use, for example. Give it a rest, for your sanity and health. That is the kind of liberty the Sabbath declares: ‘Remember that you were slaves’ (Deut.5:15), and value and celebrate your liberty. We did not so much forbid our children to do homework on a Sunday as to say that they were allowed to not do homework on a Sunday. Liberty indeed!
5. Celebration
Because Sunday is a day of celebration there can be rituals that make it so. Many of ours were associated with food, which is quite biblical and points to the day when ‘we will feast in the house of Zion’. There was cooked breakfast (prepared by my husband), there was a good dinner with a proper pudding, maybe two kinds. And most memorable of all to our children there were Sunday sweets. Since these were treats which did not occur on the other six days, they were another source of joyous anticipation.
6. Congregation
Meeting together with other believers is the central feature of the Lord’s Day, sadly interrupted in recent times by lockdown and hugely missed. As God’s people we assemble to collectively remind each other that we are walking the path to heaven in community. Together we declare God’s praise and celebrate God’s works in creation, providence and redemption. So, the ritual of church-going is presented as another Sunday pleasure. Get there in good time and let the children enjoy some meeting and greeting the people of all ages with whom we share, by God’s grace, a knowledge of the truth. It is great for children to be around godly role models and to connect with other children whose parents are weird like theirs.
7. Participation
Church is something not to be endured but engaged in and, if possible, enjoyed. I fully understand why parents might want to pre-empt trouble by bringing along a sackful of distractions and diversions to keep the children entertained and not a bother to others during the service, but I salute those who have patiently trained their children to participate at their level wherever they can and sit patiently where they cannot. Singing along after their fashion, and opening up the Bible to follow the reading, giving a hearty Amen to the prayers can all be actively encouraged. If there are age-appropriate teaching sessions let them be embraced enthusiastically (and taught with fun and fervour). After the formal part of the gathering there may be ways of helping and serving. Sunday can be a great day also for bringing some guests back to your house to share Sunday lunch and every member of the family can play a part in that, whether it is table setting, gravy-stirring or regaling the assembled company with extracts from 1,000 Best Jokes.
8. Relaxation
Activity should be balanced with rest. If there are no guests (or even if there are) a rest time for all may be prescribed when children and adults have time for peaceful reflection, quiet play or even a short sleep. But other kinds of rest might be a celebration of creation by a short walk or some simple game or puzzle in which everyone can join.
9. Narration
Stories should be a feature of every home but Sunday especially so. We had special ones for Sunday. Apart from Bible stories, we read from a book of exciting missionary tales. And Sunday evenings, while one parent is at church, can be a story-fest before bedtime with the little ones. I made up my own, acted out with play-people. It closed the day with a sense of joy and togetherness.
10. Aspiration
In the Bible there were the morning and evening sacrifices. It is a wonderful church tradition to bookend the Lord’s Day with gathering together. When the timings did not work with bedtimes, one of us stayed at home, but there was always the aspiration to attend evening service when we could. Thus, during school holidays we all went to church. Sunday evening service has a different feel from the morning one. It is more grown-up, more cool, more relaxed. As our children grew, they looked forward to the time when they were allowed to go. It was a significant rite of passage.
If all of the above makes it sound easy, I hasten to add that I know there will be challenges in this as in every department of family life. A Christian household is still a house of sinners. That is not the least of the reasons why we need Sunday. Let us persevere in making the most of it.
