All those who seek to engage with the struggles and sufferings of others know the importance of emotional connection. And while feeling compassion or sympathy or empathy for another person certainly doesn’t mean we jettison Biblical standards, what it does mean is that we seek to enter into the emotional experience of another person.
We know that it matters. It is such a blessing when others feel our pain. But we also know that it costs. It is one thing to recognise and acknowledge the pain of others, quite another to enter into it so that we feel it with the other person. That asks much more of us. So why do it? Here are four quick reasons.
It’s Christ-like and expected
First, because to do so is Christ-like. The incarnation was the ultimate entering in. It is why ‘we do not have a high priest who is unable to feel sympathy for our weaknesses, but … one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin’ (Heb. 4:15). Jesus’ ministry was full of compassion. In his famous essay, B.B. Warfield surveyed every gospel reference to the emotions of Jesus and found that by far the most common was compassion. He has entered into our sufferings.
Second, because such ‘entering in’ is expected. ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn’, Paul commands in Romans 12:15. Christian believers join at the level of felt experience – this verse doesn’t call for a particular behaviour or external activity, but for a shared emotion.
The nature of the local church
Third, because this entering in reflects the nature of the church. Even in a church full of disunity, Paul still expected shared emotional experience. ‘If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it’, Paul writes (1 Cor. 12:26). Why? Because, ‘You are the body of Christ and each one of you is a part of it’ (1 Cor. 12:27). When one part of the body feels something, the whole body experiences it. A painful finger is never isolated in the hand, it is experienced by the whole body.
The love of God leads to action
Fourth, because without these things the love of God is not in us. ‘If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?’ (1 John 4:17). In his famous parable, Jesus tells us that the Good Samaritan ‘took pity’ on the man who had been set upon by robbers. Feeling with another moves us to action.
If this empathic connection is so crucial how should it shape our pastoral ministry? First, it will mean listening. We can’t empathise with others without understanding what they are feeling. The danger of writing our own feelings onto another person is huge. We must not allow our efforts at empathy to end up being an imposition of the way we might respond to whatever situation someone else is facing. We must listen and we must not assume.
Second, we must resist the temptation to move too quickly to solutions. Our desire to offer solutions is often driven by our own discomfort. The pain another is feeling – and the pain we are having to share – is too much for us and so we try to shut it down. But in wanting it to go away too quickly, we end up driving it underground. We can easily make others feel like a spiritual failure when they continue to feel pain or shame or fear after we have offered what we are convinced is our most excellent solution.
But thirdly, and most crucially, we need to foster our own connection with Christ. Knowing all that Jesus has already entered into for us will provide the resources we need to truly and lovingly enter into the experiences of others.
