Fifty years ago, I had just finished my Master’s degree and started my doctorate. I also began seeing clients.
I was excited to begin the work but felt very uncertain about my capability and knowledge (which was wise). Somewhere during that first year a college co-ed [a US term meaning female student] came to see me and after several appointments she took her long hair and threw it forward so it covered her face. That was followed with the words: ‘My father used to do weird things to me.’ I had no idea what she meant. Little by little she taught me what it meant. I went to a supervisor for input because I did not know what to do. I had never heard about or encountered sexual abuse.
The year was 1972. Post-traumatic stress disorder was not even a diagnostic category until 1980. I was told not to believe what I was hearing as ‘women sometimes tell these hysterical stories and your job is not to get hooked by them. You will only contribute to their pathology if you do’. There were very few females in psychology at that time. I was the only one in my doctoral programme. Women would ask to see me because of my gender (certainly not due to my experience or expertise). I began hearing more stories similar to the girl’s story and decided to believe the women rather than the supervisor. That decision changed my life. The victims became my teacher and I have been honoured to walk with them.
So here we are – five decades later. We have learned much about abuse and trauma of many kinds. We are much more knowledgeable about what trauma does to the brain, the body, and the life. There is movement in the church world toward learning about abuse, believing and caring for victims and speaking truth about those who abuse. I for one, am grateful. I spent many years dealing with silence and condemnation and disbelief in the church.
To see churches begin to reach out for help, to see them seek truth, and then to see some follow through so that truth and healing occur, has been a balm to my soul after all these decades.
At the same time, anyone who has paid attention to the news headlines is aware that leaders that many have revered and followed for years, have been exposed as those who abuse their power and have done great damage to the lambs. In fact, a good number have been exposed as wolves in God’s house. A church body that follows her Head, the Good and Great Shepherd, is a refuge for the flock, a place of green pastures and clear waters, a place of restoration for wounded sheep and, certainly, a place free of wolves. Both the secular and religious news have globally exposed the fact that not only are there wolves in the fold, we have, in the name of our God, protected their place among God’s sheep by complicity, cover-up and deceit. We have protected the institution of shepherding rather than the sheep.
Sadly, the truth is that until the Good Shepherd returns, there will be wolves. We vulnerable humans do not want to believe that. We long for a safe place, a home where we can lay aside our vigilance, fear and uncertainty. We have all that in Christ Himself. It does not exist unblemished anywhere else in this world. In the best and safest of marriages we still get injured. In the best and safest of churches, we are still vulnerable to an expertly deceitful wolf finding a way in. We are uncomfortable with that awareness and some of us become hyper-vigilant, constantly afraid. Others try hard not to look at anything that threatens what they long for – unequivocal safety.
Jesus said: ‘Beware of the false prophets (the pseudo prophets) who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves’ (Matt 7:15). They look like the sheep category and behave like the wolf category.
Jesus is not warning us here against someone who does not teach the truth exactly the way we prefer.
He is warning us against the teacher, the spokesperson for God, who speaks orthodoxy, but whose life is false. One who talks like a sheep but is in fact a wolf. His or her words may be accurate or orthodox – that is the sheep’s clothing. But the heart of that person is wolfish – one looking to exploit the vulnerable. They attempt to look like sheep but inwardly, where you cannot see, they are an exploiter, a robber, grasping and predatory. The purpose of the sheep’s clothing is to hide their true nature. They attempt to look like sheep and behave like sheep in order to appear as something they are not. They are hungry for sheep. True sheep do not eat each other. Wolves eat sheep. They are looking for isolated sheep, on the fringe of the group. They look for someone not likely to speak out and someone easily overpowered. The child or teen on the fringe of the youth group is extremely vulnerable. They are not noticed, they are not well-connected, and they are hungry little sheep. Attention and inclusion draw them in and they are easily seduced by a niceness that is in fact predatory but deceptive.
We still have much to learn about abuse, about abusers, about systems e.g. church, family and how we protect those systems rather than victims. We need to continue to learn about healing from abuse. We sadly also need to learn that just because someone was abused does not mean they will never abuse another. Statistics say otherwise. We need to learn about healing and how hard it is, and how long it takes, and be willing to walk that hard path with another. We often fail to understand that we are contributing to abuse continuing down the generations when we ignore victims and cover up perpetrators. Many studies suggest that about one third of victims become abusers in some way. So, a boy who is sexually abused and receives no help may try to feel like he has control in his life by becoming abusive.
It may not be sexual at all, but might be physical or verbal abuse at home, on the job, or from a position of power obtained as an adult. Being powerless in any circumstance is understandably frightening and not allowed.
Oppression is another word for abusive behaviour. To oppress means we keep someone in subservience and hardship – certainly a description of the abuse of a child. It is done by an unjust (ungodly) use of authority. We have crushed a human being by our abuse of power. Oppression is literally a crushing of the image of God in a human knit together by our Father. For us to stand by and say nothing when this is happening is to contribute to the defaming of God’s image.
Things can get muddy and complicated in many circumstances when an adult who was hideously abused as a child and has had the courage to speak the truth about it can also swear to him/herself that they will never be ‘under’ anyone ever again. That can result in the abuse of position, verbal, emotional and or spiritual abuse so as never to feel vulnerable again. It can also happen that no one confronts these current abuses because the history of child abuse was horrific, and how do you confront something like verbal abuse or an abuse of power based on position in someone who was a victim and is publicly seen as someone who endured much. The result then can be another silencing of victims because the abuser was also a victim. It is a bit overwhelming, isn’t it? Working in this arena, walking with victims, requires wisdom and great care about what we say and do.
I long for God’s people to understand abuse and how it squashes and sometimes utterly destroys human beings created by our God – humans He designed, died for, and loves. We can destroy with our silence and ignoring of child sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence. We can also destroy with words. Our God is a God of truth and light. To cover up abuse is to fail Him.
It is to be unlike Him. Our Lord was bold. He called religious leaders painted-over tombs full of death. He saw right through the camouflage, and spoke truth – carefully and clearly. He referred to those leaders as a den of robbers. They had made God’s house a safe place for thieves – those who robbed the vulnerable. He spoke truly and carefully. He shined light on dark places where men used God’s name as a cover-up. We need to follow Him in these ways.
God has also given us instructions for how to speak. He has called us to truth and light. He has also called us to love. These are not opposites. Hiding is not loving. Ignoring is not loving. If we do that on the physical level with a lump in our body we may be protecting cancer and allowing it to grow. Jesus’ bold comments to the religious leaders were an invitation of love. He longed for them to see the cancer. They chose instead to try and silence Him. Many who have gone to leaders about abuse in the system have been silenced. They are considered a threat to the system. The cancer grows and as a result we have seen many systems collapse, leaving behind many wounded people.
Dear ones, people of God, we are called to speak truth, to shine light and to call things by their right name as did our Lord. We have been told the human heart is deceitful above all things and that none of us can comprehend it. That means humility is important. To say we are God’s child is to be engaged in this great battle with deception, darkness and the crushing of God’s image bearers – in our own lives first and then as part of the body of Christ. A body that does not follow its Head is a sick body. Our true work is not building systems. It is manifesting likeness to Christ in all things. Likeness to Christ is not measured by external accomplishments, but by the extent to which a person’s character bears fruit that resembles the fruit of the Spirit.
We easily deceive ourselves and follow false ways – often in the name of Jesus. We follow a Christ made in our image – one who agrees with us – and would never want our temples or high places destroyed.
But this Jesus did not walk with Rome – or religious leadership – or even His disciples when they failed to do the will of His father. ‘I always do that which pleases the Father,’ He said. His likeness is to be seen in us who call ourselves His people. We were first called Christians at Antioch. The word means ‘Christ one’. Our God longs to see the likeness of His Son fleshed out, visible in us. May we bring Him joy, no matter the cost.
This is the third in a series of three exclusive articles by Dr Langberg in the ongoing aftermath of recent scandals.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr Diane Langberg is globally recognised for her 50 years of clinical work with trauma victims. She has trained caregivers on six continents in responding to trauma and to the abuse of power. Her newest book is Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church. Dr Langberg is the recipient of the Distinguished Alumna Achievements from Taylor University, the American Association of Christian Counselor’s Caregiver Award, The Distinguished President’s Award, and the Philadelphia Council of Clergy’s Christian Service Award. Website: www.dianelangberg.com
