The concept, and the seriousness, of neglect is well known. Neglected children suffer huge harm.
But there are other forms of neglect. Ones that we may have done less thinking about. Spiritual neglect would be one example – and this is a neglect that can also do damage, both to us and to others.
Neglect is familiar to us because all of us are prone to neglect things. We might, perhaps, neglect our garden and, ever so slowly, the weeds take over. It never needed much time or attention, but the weeding never got done and soon a jungle took over.
It’s much the same with maintenance in a home. Somehow the leaky drainpipe never did find its way to the top of our to-do list. All it needed was a quick fix – not much more than five minutes, but we neglected to do it. In the end, of course, the drainpipe forced us to pay attention – because damp appeared on the bedroom wall. By then, however, things had moved beyond a simple drainpipe fix. Substantial, even structural, repairs were required. We might curse the foolishness of that neglect, but regret can’t turn the clock back. The damage is done.
People, of course, matter far more than gardens and houses, which makes neglect of a relationship a much more serious matter. A marriage gets taken for granted. Time together is the thing that never reaches the top of the to-do list. Other things always seem more pressing. A partnership that was close and intimate slowly morphs until it resembles something more like a business arrangement. Conversation that once was personal now concerns collecting the kids and paying the bills. The damage from this neglect can be substantial and structural too – and perhaps leave a relationship beyond repair. And here too regret is powerless to turn back the clock.
On the issue of spiritual neglect, the letter to the Hebrews doesn’t pull its punches. ‘How shall we escape’, writes the author, ‘if we neglect such a great salvation’ (Heb. 2:3)? More warnings follow – about not neglecting to meet together (10:25), not neglecting to show hospitality (13:2) and not neglecting to do good and share what we have (13:16). The snag, however, is that attention in one area often means neglect in another. Many pastors and church workers have attended carefully to the warnings in Hebrews, but done so at the cost of neglecting marriage and family.
So, what’s to be done? If we are all prone to neglect and its impact is so serious, we need a plan. Here are three suggestions.
1. Be alert to the threat. It’s always important to be alert to threats, but especially so with neglect precisely because the damage is so easily overlooked. We mustn’t imagine we are immune. Being busy in one area of discipleship is no guarantee we aren’t neglecting things of spiritual consequence in another.
2. Be ready to ask questions. It makes sense to ask ourselves how we are doing in spiritual priorities. To consider if there are areas of neglect – the neglect of time with God or of time with the people (spouse, children, parents) God would have us prioritise. Others may see our areas of neglect more clearly than we do. Asking them what they see will be wise.
3. Be ready to act. We all know how often our January resolutions are short-lived. And the thing with neglect is that it is never overcome by radical plans that last a week. In the battle with neglect, smaller changes that last a year are generally the most effective. Like a regular weeding plan in the garden or a routine of maintenance in the home, spiritual changes that become godly habits are crucial.
It could be time with family or time with God. A determination to pray or a determination to talk. This January a small regular commitment that lasts a year is so much better than grand resolutions which fade by the middle of January. Why not make an anti-neglect plan today?
