Searching for perfection?

We’ve been seeing in the end Word how the letter of James exposes all sorts of respectable sin related to our spiritual adultery against the Lord – our double-mindedness.

These respectable sins have often been linked to our wrong attitude towards how we treat God and others with regards to poverty and riches. This next exposé may reveal how my proud adulterous heart thinks God and others ought to treat me.

We read in James 4:1-3: ‘What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but do not get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.’

It is a universal constant that when a human has their desires frustrated it leads to violence. Not getting what I want sets me against others.

Now, in children, it is out in the open. Many of us have children of varying ages who will go to any lengths to get what they want, ranging from whingeing, to crying, to out-and-out physical warfare. They are very quick to point out and complain bitterly about any sniff of unfairness in the distribution of family resources.

When I unexpectedly fell pregnant with our third child, our 12-year-old son, having expressed his absolute disgust by actually throwing up (!) then uttered the immortal line: ‘Hang on a minute! Does that mean I only get a third of my inheritance?’

Wow…

But then, as we mature, we think we have learnt much cleverer ways of covering our frustration or getting our own way. We try to hide our envy, but it shows in our eyes and eats away at our joy.

Eventually, selfish desire will lead to discord somewhere; we may not murder anyone with a knife, but we will have done the equivalent in our thoughts, and it will eventually show in the way we treat those we envy: put downs, sniping, slandering…

So, here’s another test. Am I envious of other’s wealth – do I furtively resent someone having something I want? Do I covet other people’s stuff? Their gifts? Their appearance? Their status? Because secretly I think I deserve what they have? Picture someone like that in your mind’s eye – what are your secret thoughts about them? Do you rejoice for them or quietly spit feathers?

Does my attitude towards myself reveal a heart which is proud, and envious of others, leading to fights and quarrels amongst my family members, my friends, my Christian brothers and sisters?

Do you allow the world to seduce you into wanting more and more stuff. Do you wallow in advertising, swimming around buying their lies.

I am 58 and I still find myself searching for the perfect white T-shirt, ‘At last, I’ll be attractive enough! This is the fashion item that will transform me into the likeness of Meg Ryan (pictured) circa 1990…’

Why? … for whom? I don’t know, but I buy it anyway!

Again, it is this worldly mindset – this proud double-mindedness – that makes me think, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to look good, to be admired for who I really am. Maybe we even turn this selfish longing into prayers. ‘O Lord, imagine what I could do for you if I won the Lottery/ inherited that money/ got that bonus…’

Well, look at James 4:3: ‘When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.’

We should not expect God to listen to our self-serving prayers if all we want is more wealth to spend on ourselves. Of course, the Lord knows our motives, we can’t kid him.

And the simple antidote to our proud little egos is to spend time dwelling on the One who gave up the glory and splendour of Heaven and willingly became less than nothing in the eyes of the world: despised, dishonoured, destroyed so that selfish, envious undeserving sinners like us could become part of his glorious inheritance. As the words of a hymn by Frank Houghton go:

‘Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour,
All for love’s sake becamest poor;
Thrones for a manger didst surrender,
Sapphire-paved courts for stable floor.
Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour,
All for love’s sake becamest poor.’