We were off to the zoo! My four young children were in the car, we’d waved Dad off to work, the buggy and picnic were packed. As we reached the motorway, a little voice, full of worry, asked: ‘Where are we going and how long for?’ In all my preparation I’d missed a key moment – I hadn’t talked to the children! Four little people had no idea what was happening.
For one little boy, for whom all the events of moving from foster care to his new adoptive home was a conscious memory, this was a problem. He was understandably worried that he was leaving home and might not see Dad again. Without his question, I might have missed what was going on. Instead, my awareness of my son’s heart meant I could wrap him in a hug and say: ‘You are our little boy, God has given you to us and us to you, you are home with us.’
Our children are sponges, picking up information all the time and drawing conclusions – which might not be right. They notice what is going on, hear what others say and are influenced by what they watch. The good news is that, as parents, we can be the biggest influence on our children. And as Christians, we have a better story to share – we can point our children to our Heavenly Father who truly knows all things, and share the truth of His word.
We need to be the safe place for our children’s biggest fears, welcome their questions, and make space in busy schedules for good conversations. Don’t panic when they ask something hard, you don’t have to know every answer! Explore together, find out what they are feeling. Often I’ve found that listing lots of things my children might be thinking or feeling has been really helpful. They look surprised as if to say ‘how did you know!?’ and suddenly feel less alone.
I remember my teenage son’s relief when I talked with him about how sometimes we can just feel anxious about feeling anxious. He leapt up to hug me, he thought it was only him who felt this way and that he might be ‘mad’. As a Christian, there’s a next beautiful step in this conversation: ‘Not only do I know that you get anxious, but so does the Lord; He is always there, He offers help, He wants you to talk to Him, He won’t laugh, He calls your anxiety a burden and says “cast it on Me”.’
As our children hear truth and see faith mixed into life, they learn to know and follow their Heavenly Father’s voice. Their self-talk can be rich with God’s truth, they learn to respond in faith, to trust and talk with their Heavenly Father. As the questions get bigger and harder, the ground rules are set. We know the One who has all the answers and loves our children more than we do. We can go to Him together.
