The problem with empathy

Empathy is getting a bad press. One Christian writer, Allie Beth Stuckey, has a new book called Toxic Empathy, while Joe Rigney describes empathy as a sin. Even in the realm of secular commentators, Gad Saad’s new book is Suicidal Empathy. So what’s the problem with empathy, and how is it different to sympathy?

We all understand the importance of sympathy, that is an understanding of the situation and experience of someone, especially when they are enduring trials. It is a great consolation to have a sympathetic high priest in the Lord Jesus Christ who can sympathise with us in our weakness not just because as God He understands us completely, but also because He took flesh and has entered into human experience Himself and endured temptation. It is a sign of love and care to sympathise with those around us who are struggling in a variety of ways.

Empathy, however, goes one step further. It is to identify with someone’s feelings and point of view. It is sharing their feelings and emotions ‘as if they were our own’. We then see things from their viewpoint. This is the problem with empathy, because in our culture today ‘compassion’ is expressed as the affirmation of someone’s experience without challenge or criticism. Clearly the Lord Jesus Christ can be sympathetic, but He cannot be empathetic in the sense of identifying with our sinful emotions and desires.

The emphasis on empathy in modern culture inevitably affects the church. So how does this work out in church life? If we empathise with someone who has fallen into sin we fully understand why they have sinned, the pressures that they face, and the difficulty of their situation. So much so that we are reluctant to confront, or to follow the path of church discipline. Even if there is an acknowledgement that sin has been committed, we regard it as completely ‘understandable’ and so refuse to draw the line.

Or imagine if someone in church is being difficult, offending various people and undermining the leaders. The priority of empathy will mean that we identify with their background, their own challenges, and the elements of truth in what they say, so much so that we are unwilling to rebuke or to manage their behaviour.

We must always be sympathetic to the sinner, as Christ is sympathetic to us. But the cross is the clearest possible testimony that sin is not to be condoned. There is punishment to be endured; a price to be paid.

Our God is abundantly gracious, but His grace is not cheap. There is a call to repentance, as well as the offer of forgiveness. If sin is not challenged in church life then we are failing in our duty of love to the sinner who needs to be called to reject ungodly and destructive desires, speech, and behaviour. And we risk threatening not only the purity but the love and unity of the whole fellowship.