Young men are returning to church. That is the headline which is grabbing all the attention right now. But an equally striking trend is unfolding that is not being considered by Christians. Young adults are also returning to live with their parents.
These are the “boomerang kids”, whose parents sent out but have come back. Their number is growing. A survey by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) found that 18% of 25- to 34-year-olds still lived with their parents. This was more likely among young men (23%) than young women (15%). With 18- to 24-year-olds this is over half.
It’s fantastic that young people want to come to church. But where are they? Many of them will be living in their parents’ home. That means evangelisation of this age group cannot be left to churches in university towns. Every church must ask how to disciple and evangelise people in this stage of life living with parents in their area.
Why are young adults staying at home?
But first let’s ask why this is happening. The number one reason is finances. The IFS study found that in areas where house prices have increased, the number of young adults living with parents increased also.
House prices aren’t the only financial pressure though. The cost of rent is escalating and the job market is uncertain. One young adult told Loughborough University researchers: “Companies don’t want to recruit on full-time contracts no more (sic)… I’d have to have a permanent job I think before I’d ever consider moving.”
These financial pressures make it more difficult for young adults to have the financial freedom to put a deposit on a house.
Other factors seem to increase young adults living at home. Singleness is more common than it once was, making it easier to live with parents. While evangelical Christians are surely more likely to desire marriage, this dynamic no doubt affects them too.
Some living at home come back after a life-struggle, such as a break-up, unemployment or a mental health crisis.
There is also a race aspect to consider. Certain ethnic groups are more likely to live at home, with 62% of UK-born Bangladeshi and 50% of UK-born Indian 25–34-year-olds living with parents.
Most of these reasons are not easy to change. Whatever you think of the trend, it’s unlikely that house prices, marriage rates and ethnic culture will change soon. This will be a reality for many years to come. Which raises the question, what challenges arise from young adults living at home?
The challenges of staying at home
One consequence of living at home is the failure to enter adult life. A survey conducted by Opinium found most Brits don’t feel they are adults until 26. Perhaps this is due to the delaying of adult milestones. Home-ownership, a stable job, marriage and having children are all steps that mark transitions from childhood to adulthood. Yet these are all being delayed.
Indeed, the research suggested that millions don’t start cooking or doing their own laundry until they are at least 21. Perhaps for some, going away to university gave an exposure to these adult responsibilities, but returning home can feel like a backward step.
Proverbs is the Bible’s manual for “adulting” and encourages Solomon’s son to industriousness rather than becoming a sluggard (Prov. 6:6-11). Indeed, you can’t help but think of how Paul told Titus both young men and young women needed to be taught self-control (Titus 2:4,6). Not all young adults in their parents’ home lack responsibility or self-control. But the temptation is certainly there.
This living arrangement also puts a strain on the adult/parent relationships. Financial conversations are difficult in any relationship. Some parents delay retirement to support their child living at home. In other families, the adult child supports debt-addled parents. One young adult said to Loughborough researchers: “People talk about the bank of mum and dad, right? But in a way I was a bank for my mum and dad.”
You would hope Christians would be able to work through such issues. Adult children are still called to keep the fifth commandment to honour their father and mother (Ex. 20:12). Parents, too, should be careful not to exasperate their adult children (Eph. 6:4). But what about households that aren’t all believers?
One young woman told me: “I am the only believer in my household, so a lot of the time I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about God or my faith. It can feel like I can’t fully be myself.”
The same issue faces parents with non-Christian children. How does the Christian parent respond to their daughter bringing a boyfriend home for the night? These challenges are as significant as having an unsaved husband or wife.
Even in the church, living at home can have a negative effect. Some Christians unintentionally infantilise young adults. One young woman told me this: “Yes, people are unwilling to see you as a separate entity to your parents, meaning you’re still seen as a child and don’t get given the same discipleship as a young adult typically gets”.
Of course, some young adults may struggle to join the adult community themselves. They may be unwilling to attend adult small groups, serve in the church, or take part in church members’ meetings. Sometimes this is true even for those who were heavily involved in church or Christian Union at university.
The temptation may be to start an 18–30s group as a follow-on from youth group, but there are problems with this. Most churches will not have a large enough number to sustain such a group. And is it even desirable? At what stage will a person ever graduate into adult ministry in the church.
Finally, there is the effect on the individual in question. I was told by one young person: “I also struggled with discontentment going from living alone at university to living with my parents again”. Few young adults want to be living at home. They want marriage, independent living and a stable job. Dealing with these broken expectations can be a pastoral challenge that may need support.
What are the opportunities?
Clearly these challenges to living at home must be grappled with. Nevertheless, it would be wrong to act as if this is an entirely negative trend. After all, unmarried adults living with their family has been the norm throughout human history even in Biblical times. Most scholars assume Jesus stayed with His family until He began His ministry aged 30. It must be possible to thrive staying at home. But how?
First, make the most of evangelistic opportunities. The encouraging “A Quiet Revival?” report suggests young men are willing to attend church. But how do we reach out to such people?
The report tells us that 34% of 18–24 year-olds and 29% of 25–34 year-olds would attend church if invited by a friend. That presents a real opportunity for young adults living at home. They are perfectly placed to invite their friends to their church. Perhaps this may enable aging congregations to begin to reach this age group in ways they haven’t before.
Moreover, there is an opportunity for leadership development. Many young adults congregate in large city-centre churches, close to their work. Yet these can be difficult places in which to serve.
Large churches have large staff teams. This means many leadership positions are already covered. There may also be a professional standard that can be hard for novice leaders to live up to.
But in the church they grew up in there may be a need to not just volunteer, but to head up a ministry. Indeed, this age range is perfect for testing your gifts. Without the responsibilities of children and even marriage, there can be freedom to prepare, minister and even undertake informal training.
A few years living at home in a smaller church can be an apprenticeship for a life of Christian leadership, whether paid or unpaid. If churches begin to see young adults in this way, it may not impact their local church in the long run. But it will affect the church nationally to find leaders for the future at all levels in church life.
Young adults will also benefit from intergenerational discipleship. When Paul spoke of the older women teaching the younger, he clearly expected an intergenerational church (Titus 2:4). While ministry targeted at young adults has it’s place, there are countless blessings that come from meeting mature Christians.
Young adults need to see the suffering of the elderly, the work ethic of the young mother, the wisdom of the experienced leader. It may not feel as immediately relevant as a seminar on singleness or identity, but the likelihood is that seeing these older Christian models will have a greater impact in the long run.
Conclusion
So, are boomerang children a blessing or a curse? It depends.
There’s no denying staying at home can delay independence and complicate relationships. Yet it may also result in leadership opportunities, intergenerational discipleship, and even a fresh wave of evangelism among young adults.
Rather than dismiss this season, perhaps we should ask how to make this life-stage a time of preparation. What if we took the stay-at-home years as a time to equip, encourage and invest in young adults, not just for our own churches but for the sake of Christ’s kingdom more broadly? If we can do that, then perhaps this trend could be a blessing in disguise.
