To the irritable parent

Before we delve into this, I want to say: I’m talking to myself, here. I’m certainly not pointing fingers, more like opening my hands in admittance, and perhaps welcoming others (all of us?) into the “irritable parents’ club”.

Whether your baby has had you up for most of the night, your toddler has refused to put on their shoes for 40 minutes (ask me how I know), or your teenager wants to start a debate about every instruction you give them, it feels like being irritable is part of the parenting package. But it doesn’t have to be.

Taking irritability seriously

Although irritability doesn’t sound that bad, it is in reality a form of anger. Snapping at your kids is not shouting at them, but it can have the same emotional effects. I wonder if being grumpy with people might even, in some ways, be worse than anger. Anger, after all, is not always sinful: it is right to be angry at injustice, at God being dishonoured, and at times at suffering.

But irritability is never justified. It is always aimed at other people, and usually the people we’re most called to love. Annoyance is a perpetual demeanour of ill will towards others, and as such we need to repent of it, enjoy God’s forgiveness, and likely make amends with the person(s) who received the brunt of it. Starting with a lower-level “I’m sorry I was grumpy about your unicorn joke. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. Have you got any more jokes to tell me?” is an easier place to start, and can open the way for the bigger reconciliations if they’re needed.

Irritability as a window

We can’t usually control our initial emotional reactions, and actually it may not be helpful to do so. Our emotions are a window into what’s going on in our hearts and minds. So if we’re feeling grumpy, it’s a good opportunity to stop and ask ourselves what’s going on. Am I feeling snappy because I’m running late? Is it because I skipped breakfast? Am I anxious? Have I got too much on my plate?

Or is there something deeper going on? Am I irritated because I’m feeling resentful towards my children or my spouse? Have I made an idol of peace and quiet? Of a tidy home? Of having a bit of “me time”?

Helping ourselves

Often there are a whole combination of factors at play. But we can set ourselves up for success by noticing our irritability triggers. Do I need to put away my phone? Do I need to go to bed earlier or ask my family to get ready earlier? Write things down so that I’m holding less in my head? Do I need to eat something? I’ve noticed I’m a much better mum on the afternoon school run if I’ve had a snack before I leave home!

Hope for the irritable parent

But, above all of this, we need God’s help. As with any sin issue, it’s God who forgives us, cleanses us and sanctifies us. God Himself is the perfect Father, “the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness” (Ex.34v6), as He relates to us as His children.

And let’s not forget that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal.5v22-23). These attributes are all the opposite of irritability. As Christians, we have the Spirit at work in us. He will be growing these characteristics in us.

So, let us look to Jesus, full of thankfulness that He’s died for our sins and set us free from them, and knowing that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion (Phil.1v6). I’m praying that we’ll listen to our grouchiness and be transformed into more Christ-like parents.