Leading through letting go

This summer saw a team effort in our back garden as my 12-year-old son and I prepared to build a raised garden bed. I am not in any way "handy" like this and had some doubt, but he was just so excited to be included and “grown-up". Then came his inevitable request: “Can I do it, Dad?”

Efficiency told me to say no. I had things to do: boards needed cutting, screws needed putting in with a power tool. But something nudged me... This moment wasn’t just about wood and soil. So I let him try. Of course, the initial measurements were off, and all the screws fell on the floor. Tears welled. “I can’t do it,” he loudly announced. My hand twitched impatiently, ready to take over. Yet the real project was not a garden bed but a boy learning perseverance, and a father needing some humility! If I stepped in too quickly, I’d definitely save the project but perhaps stunt the growth of my son. I could easily take over, but lose the real lesson for him and for me.

Lessons for leadership

In our desire to develop leaders, taking over often feels like love. We justify it as quicker, neater, more efficient. But it can rob people of growth. Parents, pastors, and leaders all face the same tension: Will I prioritise results, or people?

Scripture reveals that God Himself chooses the slower path of formation. He could accomplish everything instantly, yet works through stumbling men and women. Jethro’s counsel to Moses captures it: “What you are doing is not good” (Exodus 18v17). Moses had to learn that real leadership is not doing everything himself but multiplying capacity in others. Efficiency, then, can be the enemy of formation. The Kingdom advances through patience and trust, not control.

Delegation says: “I give you this task because I need it done.” Development says: “I give you this task because you need to grow.” The first relieves the leader, yet the second equips and releases the follower. Why then do we resist development particularly in the church? We can point to time pressures of course, but often something deeper lurks. Sometimes our identity depends on being needed. Taking over reassures us that we matter.

Jesus Himself consistently resisted this temptation. When crowds were hungry, He told His disciples: “You give them something to eat” (Luke 9v13). Their inadequacy became the very place where God’s power showed. Jesus didn’t hoard ministry, He shared it, sending others to preach, heal, and lead. Paul did the same with Timothy, urging him to step into leadership despite his youth.

Growth always involves risk: risk of failure, of slower results - but without it, people remain dependent.

Measured in the short term, success looks like completed tasks. But in the long term for church leaders, success is people formed. And this kind of growth usually happens in small, ordinary moments, when a leader resists taking over and lets someone else wrestle through.

That day in my backyard exposed how quickly I reach for control. Yet when I asked my son, “Show me your thinking about this,” he figured it out. Later, he proudly told his mother he had built the garden bed, not just “helped Dad". That subtle shift revealed something deeper: he was beginning to see himself as capable.

The paradox of control

The paradox of control is the more we cling to it, the less others grow. The more we release it, the more capacity multiplies. Leadership worth following is willing to let go.

The garden bed now has sprouting onions and garlic, but the greater work was unseen, the confidence formed in my son, and the humility slowly forming in his father.

Perhaps that is God’s way too. Not overwhelming us with efficiency, but entrusting us with responsibility, even when we fumble - for the greatest gift we can give others is not our competence, but our confidence in their potential as image bearers of God.