Pastors get depressed, too

In recent years, many of us have become more aware of the toll that emotional, spiritual, and mental struggles can take.

Christian leaders, of course, are not immune. In fact, some of us are quietly limping through discouragement, or even depression, while still seeking to lead with strength and clarity.

During a difficult period in ministry, I found myself unable to think clearly; I was easily distracted and emotionally exhausted. I needed rest, wise medical advice, proper sleep, honest friendships - and above all, I needed to stop obsessing over the problems and pressures I couldn’t fix, and instead fix my eyes once again on Christ.

It was during that time I wrote a poem that appeared in en (October 2022), expressing something pastors feel but few say out loud:

There are moments when I’m very tempted to quit.
Did you know that? I expect not; perhaps you’d be happier if I did.
I was actually signed off work with depression by my GP.
But I didn’t dare take it, fearing more criticism against me.

That season taught me an important lesson: hope doesn’t always come automatically. Sometimes, we must choose to put our hope in God - even when we don’t feel like it.

We can misplace hope

Psalm 42v5 says: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God”.

This is more than good advice. It’s a command. Hope, according to Scripture, is something we must actively set in the right place. We can - and often do - misplace it.

We may hope in our abilities, our ministries, or in our reputation. We may seek encouragement in the approval of others. But as I discovered, these are empty havens.

False hopes

David made this mistake too. On the run from Saul, he sought help from Samuel, from Jonathan, from priests, even from his enemies the Philistines. None of these provided the lasting comfort he longed for. Eventually, we read in 1 Samuel 30v6: "But David found strength in the LORD his God.”

False hopes often disguise themselves as good things. Success, affirmation, ministry fruit, even doctrinal correctness - these can all become the place we look for significance. But if they are not rooted in Christ, they will fail us.

We’re not alone in this struggle. Some of the Bible’s greatest figures lost hope, looked in the wrong direction, or let fear cloud their vision. But in their stories we find help, and a call to re-centre our gaze on Christ.

1. Look up (Abraham)
   
   In Genesis 15, Abraham is disheartened. He still has no child, despite God’s promise. Looking down at his circumstances, he complains to God. But God responds not with rebuke, but invitation: “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them… ‘So shall your offspring be’” (Genesis 15v5).
   
   God reminds Abraham that hope comes not from what we can see on the ground, but from trusting the one who rules the heavens.
   
   Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is to stop, step outside, and look up. Both metaphorically and literally. The heavens still declare the glory of God (Psalm 19v1). The stars remind us of His power, His promises - and His presence.
   
   
2. Look back (Peter)
   
   In Matthew 14, Peter steps out of the boat to walk on water. For a moment, he succeeds. But then the wind gets his attention, he becomes afraid, and begins to sink.
   
   This is such a clear picture of how mental and emotional pressures work. We begin to fixate on the storm - our critics, our failures, our fears - and we lose sight of Christ.
   
   But as Peter sinks, Jesus reaches out and catches him. He doesn’t let him drown. Even when our faith wavers, Christ’s grip on us never does, so we can look back to Him again.
   
   
3. Look beyond (Mary Magdalene)

In John 20, Mary stands outside the empty tomb, weeping. She sees angels but not Jesus. It’s only when He speaks her name that she recognises Him.

Grief had clouded her vision. She assumed the worst, and could not see past the pain.

So often in our own moments of despair, Jesus is closer than we realise. Resurrection hope stands in our midst, even when we’re convinced all is lost.

A better sightline

Mental health and emotional struggles often distort our vision. We feel foggy, distant, or numb. But one thing has become clear to me: what we need most is not a better strategy, but a better sightline. We need to behold Christ.

Hebrews 12v2 tells us to “fix our eyes on Jesus”. Not glance. Not occasionally look. But fix.

This is not about ignoring our emotions. It’s not a call to pretend. I’ve needed GP help, honest friends, proper time off, and ongoing rest. But I’ve also needed stillness - real spiritual stillness - to begin to see Jesus again. Not just as a theological idea, but as a living, loving person who walks with us, prays for us, and bears scars of His own.

A personal word

If you’re struggling - with discouragement, anxiety, burnout, or a season of deep spiritual fog - please know that you’re not alone.

There is no shame in seeking medical help. There is no weakness in stepping back for rest. God is not impressed by ministry machines. He draws near to the broken-hearted.

The risen Christ sees you. He speaks your name. He stands beside you in your storm, reaches out His hand and encourages you to trust Him again.

And if, like me, you’ve found yourself running on empty, trying to carry more than you were made to, I invite you to look again. Not at your problems, your critics, or your ministry. Look to Him. That's what I was encouraged to do by a wise reader who kindly responded to my poem with his own:

Remember who you do it for.
Remember who you do it with.
The One whose eyes are on you now!
The One who went for you
To death!

He was once the weary One.
The tempted, the rejected One.
But He kept on…
He still keeps on
Till out of death comes LIFE!

So keep on, weary one!
Take heart, lonely one!
Look to the Holy One
And keep on
Keeping on. ^[1]

1. Luther Chaplin, en, Letters to the Editor, Nov 2022, emphasis mine