A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens
By Paul David Tripp
Presbyterian & Reformed. 253 pp. £9.95
ISBN 0 87552 601 2
WHY DO THEY DO THAT?
Understanding Teenagers
By Nick Pollard
Lion. 155 pages. £5.99
ISBN 0 7459 3760 8
Two excellent but very different books explore the teenage years. One is pro-active, written very much with Christian parents in mind and packed with biblically argued principles and guidelines. The other is reactive, an analysis of the worldview of teenagers, with useful insights for any who live or work with them.
Paul David Tripp, the author of Age of Opportunity, is at pains to present the teenage years positively. Too often, parents of teenagers are defeatist when, he argues, handled correctly, these years have a unique importance for shaping the next generation. A major thesis of the book is that Christian parents must concern themselves more with the heart/attitude of their teenage children than with their outward behaviour. Too often, because of idols in their own lives, parents have been relieved and satisfied merely with the appearance of doing right, with looking good. This has serious implications for parenting strategies and may permanently damage the relationship. Tripp argues that such a shallow and limited goal is both dangerous and unbiblical. He has a great deal to say about training children to think biblically for themselves; it is not just a matter of rules and there are no quick fixes. The chapter on 'Life in the real world' is particularly lucid, while the one entitled 'A heart for God' exposes how frequently the deficiencies in our children are a reflection of our own.
The only drawback of this book is its unspoken Presbyterian assumption, which calls any child raised in a Christian home a believer. This leads to all sorts of difficulties in assessing what to do when that child rejects Christian values. But, that quibble aside, the book is encouraging, clear and practical, not least when it reminds parents to take a hard look at their own priorities.
Age of Opportunity is specifically and definitely only suitable for Christian parents. Nick Pollard's Why Do They Do That?, on the other hand, could be usefully read by believer and non-believer. It is just the kind of book Tripp might recommend a Christian parent to read in order to understand the cultural air that their children are breathing.
But non-Christian parents would benefit too. In some ways, it is an apologetics/ evangelistic book disguised as a parenting book. What Pollard does is to examine what is behind the appalling statistics on teenage suicide, drug abuse, eating disorders, etc. In doing so, he gives a thumbnail sketch of the 'progress' and impact of Western philosophical thought right down to the present post-modern chaos. The book is very readable and packed with examples, quotes, illustrations and anecdotes. The author knows what he is talking about; he works all the time with teenagers. The world that present-day teenagers inhabit is light years away from the one their parents grew up in. The message is clear: this is a lost generation, who desperately need the very thing their parents and grandparents binned. The last chapter invites the reader to think again. Great stuff!
