BREAKING THE SILENCE ON CHILD ABUSE
One man’s journey to whole-life transformation
By Robert Stevens
DayOne / CPR. 160 pages. £7
ISBN 978 1 846 256 066
‘Who knows how many survivors there may be in our congregations, unknown even to the leaders?’ said the Chair of CPR, the joint publisher of this book.
In a church known to this reviewer, 50% of the women had experienced incidents of abuse of varying kinds as children and young adults. Although a smaller percentage, men in the same congregation had also suffered trauma as children. It would be reasonable to suggest that Breaking the Silence should be made priority reading in our churches.
Survivor to thriver
Although damaged profoundly by the abuse, victim is not a word that remains with one after reading through this personal account of God’s dealings with the author. The writer carefully explains his path from victim to survivor through to thriver as he unpacks his life. It becomes clear that those who have experienced abuse don’t need ‘help’ in a way the outsider might perceive it, they need support. There is a workbook to accompany the book that can be used in a group setting or alone.
Coping strategies
The complex responses to being abused mirror the complex way in which abuse affects people. Triggers can plunge a recovering individual back into unhelpful thinking cycles. But there are no trite ‘God makes it all better’ chapters. They are Bible-filled chapters showing the need to have a ‘hygienic’ way of thinking as someone fights for a sound mind, taking hold of ‘the truths the Lord has given, and reject what are lies’ (p.112).
In a chapter by his wife, Sue, she notes that when ‘children are exposed to trauma, their undeveloped emotions are stunted. The coping strategies can become complex (as they blend into the world). It is not surprising that restoration in adulthood is usually slow and complex.’(p.99) The list of ‘clean-truth thinking’ on p.23 applies to all Christians, but especially to those who have had all trust and ‘normal’ ways of thinking stolen from them as younger people.
Freedom
The freedom of walking in the Spirit and knowing a biblical metamorphosis with true spiritual freedom is what transforms someone from survivor to thriver, to recognise their position as an honoured child and heir. The book sensitively touches upon biblical forgiveness without saying anything offensive to people who have been treated so shockingly.
A helpful warning is given to the well-meaning who might want to ‘fix’ someone they know. When control over life has been removed from a person due to abuse, don’t become a well-meaning controller.
This is a must-read for church leaders and anyone who knows strong people in their church who move from struggling to thriving, as they deal with the results of a sin that isn’t their own.
