Motherhood remixed?

UNMAKING MARY:
Shattering the Myth of Perfect Motherhood
By Chine Macdonald
Hodder & Stoughton. 309 pages. £16.99
ISBN 978 1 399 814 638

There are days when I feel overwhelmed. As a woman attempting to “have it all” – a family, a functional marriage, serve the church, salvage something of a working life, grab a quiet time – instead, I feel like I am a failure at all of it. Not focused on God enough, not focused on family enough, not focused on work enough – letting everyone down.

The gospel tells me I am saved by grace not works, but those works often seem so appealing. Social media and society show us a modern motherhood that suggests seductively to us that if we try enough or do enough then we can have it all. Unmaking Mary from mum of two Chine Macdonald reminds us that the perfect mother, the one who has it all and is it all, is a myth.

This isn’t a theology book, though there are aspects of theology in it. It is part memoir, part social commentary, incorporating reflections on art, literature, music, and culture. Chine is a Protestant but argues that “there’s something about Mary”. The way she is described in Scripture, in the power of the Magnificat, but also in how Mary has been seen over the centuries as the archetype of perfect motherhood, the image of her changing through the ages as the concept of what makes the ideal mother has shifted. How has the image and understanding of Mary moved as expectations of women have altered?

The parent advice industry is massive – preying on women’s insecurities. The dissonance between the expectation and the reality of what it is to be a mum leaves many feeling ill-equipped or inadequate. Chine draws on all sorts of traditions and people in her reflections – from John Piper to Julian of Norwich – leading the reader to consider topics as varied as the mental load of mothers to the incredible Black Madonnas.

This book doesn’t shy away from the shadow side of motherhood – the potential for pain, grief and devastating loss. Or from deeply challenging topics like infertility, and breastfeeding. Chine herself grew up in a conservative evangelical church context, where not much attention was paid to Mary, but mention is made of the “misogyny we see in churches today” and the dangers of the clutches of patriarchal theology! This book suggests that such approaches have limited our understanding of God’s nature, which includes both masculine and feminine characteristics.

This is a warm, relatable and insightful book, which will bring readers to see a new Mary. One who is not passive but active, a Magnificat Mary, a prophet proclaiming the coming of a new kingdom. It also offers mothers the opportunity to ponder anew their own roles. Those of us who have children are likely only too aware of how much grace and forgiveness we need with them. This book encourages us to have grace with each other, provides the potential for deeper, more honest conversations about the pressure to be perfect as a mother and a woman … and most of all, reminds us to have grace with ourselves. Whatever the changing image of perfect motherhood, it is our relationship with God that is, was, and will always be, the most important thing.