Laurie and Ethel Brokenshire, who have fostered 66 children and young people in the past 21 years (and still pray for all of them), were sharing their experiences as foster parents at an event to encourage fostering in Portsmouth in mid-November.
The couple, from Holy Rood Church, Stubbington, have fostered children from babies to 18-year-olds who weren’t able to remain with their birth families. Their motivation to help has been their Christian faith.
They were sharing their experiences as part of a campaign to inspire churchgoers from south-east Hampshire and the Isle of Wight to adopt or foster children and young people.
God’s love demonstrated
Laurie and Ethel have helped to demonstrate God’s love to children and teenagers who desperately need to experience love of any kind. They’ve fostered those who need respite or emergency care, those who will be adopted, and those facing court cases.
‘We do it because we want to give something back to these children’, said Laurie, 63. ‘You always see some kind of change in every child, even if they are not huge changes. It is a sacrifice, and your whole life will change as a result of fostering. But it is hugely rewarding, and it is something we feel called to.’
‘Fostering had been at the back of our minds for a while, but it hadn’t been practical’, said Laurie. ‘But we prayed about it, and felt God speaking loud and clear. We were fast-tracked through the process in six months. And we also had to get our own children on board with the idea, as they were seven, nine, 11 and 13 at the time.
We’ve cared for 66 children since, and we pray for each of them once a week. In the early days the average age was 13, but more recently it’s been about nine years old. We started by fostering one child at a time, but now we can have three – including sibling groups of three. The longest time someone has been with us is 18 months, but it’s usually shorter.’
Own children benefitted
‘We had three girls together once and two of them improved by eight reading levels in a term. Another girl, who was three, didn’t know her colours when she arrived, but ended up doing times tables. It’s had a positive effect on our own children too. They were all very secure; they knew that us loving other children wouldn’t diminish our love for them. They’ve really benefitted from it by appreciating all the positive things in family and life that they have and have gone on to care for others. Rachel is a primary school teacher, and Phillip hopes to be ordained in the Church of England next year.’
And Ethel, 60, said: ‘Lots of the foster children find it difficult to come to terms with the idea that there is no confrontation. They ask us why we don’t shout and swear, or why we don’t hit them. For some of them, the only attention they’d had in the past was when they were naughty and were hit.’
‘One lad, who was 14, went out and came back many hours after dinner time. We told him that, as he knew, dinner was gone long ago, but that he could have some toast, etc. He never missed dinner again. It’s the kind of boundaries that they’ve never had before, yet need.’
Some of those children have been to their church and enjoyed Messy Church, the youth group or the toddler group, each of which Laurie also helps at. They need to ask whoever has parental authority over the child for permission to take them to church – or the teenager themselves, if they are over 16.
‘Our faith sustains us’, said Laurie. ‘Sometimes it is challenging and you need God’s strength, much as any Christian parent does. It’s fine to explain to the foster children that ‘Christians believe that…’, but of course we can’t proselytise. Some of them want to come to church activities and some don’t. Three foster children came with us to Messy Church for two years after they had left us.
Church help
‘People from our church do help us and pray for us – especially the home group, men’s group and prayer triplet. They’ll ask us how things are going, they’ll give us toys, clothes and other practical support. And we’ve helped other couples in our congregation – and more widely – who were thinking of adopting or fostering; some are now doing it.’
‘If people are thinking about it, I’d suggest they pray about it, make sure they both feel called, and include their own children in the conversation, if they have children’, said Laurie. ‘They need to listen to God, read books about it, and make sure they aren’t looking at things through rose-tinted spectacles.’
www.portsmouth.anglican.org/adoption
