Every morning I scan the news online and spend half an hour reading the articles that fit my interests.
In the last couple of weeks two have stood out as relevant to pastoral care. Let me describe them for you.
The first is a puff for a book by psychologist, Gillian Bridge. The headline is: ‘Our fixation with feelings has created a damaged generation’(1). Bridge discusses the mental health of young people; a million prescriptions for antidepressants are being written for teenagers each year. She provides an explanation: ‘This focus on me, myself and I is the problem … it’s taking people who are vulnerable to begin with and asking them to focus inwards’.
The second is a report on research from University College London and the headline expresses outrage: ‘Obese patients are “being weight-shamed by doctors and nurses” ’(2). Here’s a taste: ‘The problem is so widespread that health professionals need to be taught as students that excess weight is almost guaranteed in modern society and is not the fault of individuals’.
One of those articles is from the left-leaning Guardian, the other from the right-leaning Daily Telegraph. Now, without looking at the footnotes, can you tell which is which?
Those on the left assume the innocence of the individual and the guilt of society. It is wrong to offend, or to challenge – just be kind. People on the right stress individual responsibility, we shouldn’t pander to people’s feelings, people need to better themselves, you may have to be cruel to be kind. I’m discovering that choosing an approach to pastoral care can be surprisingly political!
Each writer advocates a different kind of pastoral care. The first says: ‘Challenge the me-centredness of our culture and don’t let people binge on the sugar-rush of their feelings.’ The second says: ‘Listen without judging, do not condemn, don’t humiliate people.’ Reading these two articles it struck me that, like the red marbling in raspberry ripple ice cream, Christian ideas run through both.
The gospel says that we are saved when we look away from ourselves to the cross, and that we stay spiritually healthy by caring for others. It tells us that our feelings are not our identity but fleeting responses to our environment, my identity is not my gender or sexuality but who I am in Christ. And yet the Bible also tells us to listen carefully, not to judge or condemn, to be gentle and patient, not to crush the bruised reed. (3)
Hold these two in tension and you have the way to go. Paul calls it ‘speaking the truth in love’. (4) Love is a verb, a doing word, so we walk with someone faithfully and listen empathetically. We resist a quick fix, the relief of getting a difficult conversation out of the way, we wait instead for the right time. Then we can speak with frankness, and with compassion, because there can be no doubt that we love that person.
Those two articles, from the left and the right of our political spectrum, challenged me. The first strengthened my feeling that we need to help people out of themselves and talk more than we do about gospel virtues like endurance, perseverance and courage. The second underlined the importance of tender-heartedness, always looking for good ways to say hard things to fragile people. A bit like Jesus, really.
Dave Burke is a retired FIEC pastor and an associate of Living Leadership who also works as a mental health first-aid trainer www.daveburketraining.com
FOOTNOTES
1. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/mind/ fixation-feelings-has-created-damaged-generation/
2. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/10/ obese-patients-weight-shamed-doctors-nurses
3. Proverbs 18:13, Matthew 7:1-2, Galatians 5:22-23a, Isaiah 42:3
4. Ephesians 4:14-15
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