Technoference: How screens are shaping our youth

Young parents seem to be constantly under attack by the media for their parenting failures, and it’s easy to see why.

There are significant concerns about the development of preschool children. The recent Kindred Squared School Readiness survey had some disturbing findings, including the number of children arriving in reception who are not toilet-trained, starkly contrasting to other parts of the world. Children come with poor motor skills, with some unable to use the stairs and many struggling with emotional dysregulation. There are various causes attributed to this, from Covid baby syndrome to parents working full-time or the pressures of social deprivation; however, one factor appears over and over again – the use of technology. School nurses report that these issues began emerging before Covid alongside the increased use of mobile phones.

We expect children to arrive at reception unable to read, but they now arrive unable to use books; rather than turning pages, they swipe at them or pinch them like a tablet or a phone. This suggests that not only are children spending large amounts of time on screens, but they have missed out on the experience of sitting with an adult looking at a book. We can bewail this as depriving them of an essential educational building block, but it has more profound consequences. Sharing stories is a way that we pass on wisdom to our children. Storytime with a small child is precious, and many fantastic picture books exist. Increasingly, there are brilliant Bible resources for children to hear about Jesus. Nothing can beat a parent/grandparent/ carer/or friend sitting with a little person and together reading and sharing the wonderful truths of the gospel. There are some inventive apps, too, but there is something about a book that slows the experience down. It can be the beginning of learning a lifetime of meditating on Scripture.

As a parent of now adult children, I am glad I could bring them up without the distractions and pressures of modern technology. It is too easy for some of us to look judgementally at young parents who turn to content on phones or tablets to help manage their children’s behaviour. I’m not sure we would have been different. The content is designed to be addictive and keeps children quiet, but at a cost.

Another piece of research by the Princess of Wales Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood looked at the damage done to children by adults’ use of technology. They call it technoference – children’s key communication skills are impeded because they watch passive adults behind their screens rather than experiencing eye contact. I wonder if we are those passive adults. Any of us who spend time around small children, not just parents, must ensure we engage appropriately with them. Pre-verbal babies pick up facial expressions and learn to build relationships from faces. It is very easy for any of us to separate from others as we hide behind our phones. We may not be on TikTok or YouTube (insert your social media of choice here). We may believe that our actions are more valid – sitting with our family while reading en online, a theological blog, or just a newspaper app.

We might be doing something essential with working-from-home habits, but a small child doesn’t understand what we are doing. We disappear although physically present – it is quickly done. Please don’t misunderstand me. Children need to understand that adults cannot be constantly available, but we must learn to regulate ourselves if we have any hope of helping the next generation. We all have a lot to learn as we negotiate our technological age. A few years ago, the phrase computer widow was used to describe wives whose husbands disappeared back into work even though they were at home. Now, we all do it, and perhaps our children suffer as computer orphans.

We have a responsibility to teach and train our children in the way they should go. This responsibility is for the whole church, not only young parents. Our culture recognises that our phone habits have a significant impact on shaping young lives. It is time we all prayerfully examine ourselves.