Don't say these 12 things to a wheelchair user

At the beginning of December, it was International Day of Disabled People. It’s also Disability History Month, which ends on 20 December.

But, we’re also coming up to Christmas and I like to mix relevant themes! So I’m going to add a bit of sparkle to the subject of how we interact with wheelchair users. Therefore I thought I’d give a vague nod to the song The 12 Days of Christmas and give you 12 ideas of what not to say to a wheelchair user. (Please don’t try to sing this to the tune!)

I’m also going to explain why each comment is not such a good idea.

And, just so you know, all of these have been said to me.

1. “Oh, look at you [doing xxx activity] - you’re so inspirational!” This could be for crossing the road or going to the toilet. Most of us are just living our lives like anyone else. We’re not inspirational and the comment comes across as patronising.
2. “I’d rather be dead than in that thing." This tells us that our lives are worthless and not worth living. It says being disabled is awful and pitiable. This is so far from the truth!
3. "Have you passed your test in that thing?" I have, yes. But along with “Don’t get a speeding ticket,” we hear it so often it gets tedious. Everyone thinks they are the only ones to say it, but they’re not. On the upside, at least someone is making an effort to open a conversation with us - but there are better ways.
4. “You’re too pretty to be in that thing.” Let’s just stop and think about that for a moment - what does it say about all the other wheelchair users? Are they all ugly?
5. “What’s wrong with you?” No-one should be expected to discuss private medical information with strangers. I’m often tempted to come back with a personal question of my own such as: “How are your bowel movements this week?”
6. “My neighbour’s sister’s friend’s boyfriend’s mum has that - they don’t need a wheelchair.” Every disability is a spectrum of symptoms; not one person will be the same as another.
7. “I wish I could sit down all day.” I don’t think I need to explain why this isn’t good, but it also falls into the "not again" category of repeated comments.
8. “Can I have a go?” No! Wheelchairs are an extension of a disabled person’s body. It’s like me asking to try your car out. Wheelchairs cost thousands of pounds; some cost more than a new car. It can also take months to get them repaired if you break them.
9. “I bet you have a free car.” This is referring to PIP [Personal Independence Payment] and the Motability Scheme. The cars are not free, and they are very hard to get. (Yes, the press and the government are telling lies.) Not all disabled people have a Motability car because you have to have significant and proven mobility issues to qualify for one.
10. "You’re married? How does that work?" Do I really have to explain why this is so bad?
11. “You’re dressed so beautifully, did you choose your clothes yourself?” This carries so many outdated assumptions about using a wheelchair.
12. “If you just trusted Jesus, you wouldn’t need that wheelchair.” This question is a constant in almost every wheelchair user’s life, and usually from a very insistent stranger. It tells us God only wants the fixed and the healed.

I have many more of these but will keep to the 12 listed above. My advice for not doing the same thing is this:

• Think first and speak like you would to anyone else.
• Don’t make assumptions.
• Don’t ask personal questions.
• Remember we’re still people, we just use wheels to get around.

Happy Christmas.