What should you look for in a church?

It is the season when supermarkets and Ikea are filled with young adults and their parents doing ‘the university shop’.

Journalists begin rehashing their annual articles: '24 tips for starting university', filled with sage advice about starting freshers with plenty of cold remedies and bringing chocolate brownies to share with new housemates. Parents are advised to 'let go and remember that their child is an adult'.

It is also the time of year when Christian social media feeds are filled with these questions: ‘Can anyone recommend a church in ….?’ (Fill in the university city of your choice here). This will be followed by a list of churches in the town - the larger the city, the more extensive the list. Often, the person asking the question is not the student themselves but a church leader or parent.

Be careful of 'reputation'

I find myself wondering how helpful this exercise is. After all, most of the answers provided could be found by a simple Google search and looking at church websites. Sometimes, when I see these discussion threads concerning places, I know the answers reflect not the reality of the church scene but long-held reputations, which may or may not be fair. People happily recommend places that they have never been to, nor do they know any of the current church family. Sadly, I see churches recommended that locally, many people are aware have a history of disillusioned and hurt members leaving after a period of initial enthusiasm. In church circles, barring a public scandal, reputations are quickly gained and slowly lost.

It is particularly tempting for Christian parents to tell students which church they should go to. I know of students who visited several churches as freshers but went to the one their parents told them to go to, despite the fact they had preferred a different church. I understand the desire and the fear of parents. It matters so much to know that your adult child is part of a strong church family, secure in their faith, and growing in discipleship. Everything in you desires that as your child moves from home, they do not move away from the Lord.

It is a fraught time. Church matters, and trying to tie it up neatly to ensure your adult child flourishes is tempting. We want our children to have great fellowship, make lifelong Christian friends, and be encouraged and equipped in their faith by outstanding Christian leaders and teachers. We want the perfect church for them even though we know that no church is perfect. It is hard to trust the Lord to direct their steps.

But remember, in these moments of uncertainty, we can find reassurance in the Lord’s sovereignty. It is hard to watch them make decisions that we think are mistakes, but we can find hope in the fact that the Lord is always with them and loves them more than we are capable of.

It isn’t just students that relocate and have to find a new church. So, how do we find a church? Churches come in many flavours: different denominations, each with distinct practices that will impact our decisions. But what matters? I was once told to think about these three questions:

1. Is the gospel preached here reliably each Sunday?
2. Is this a church that I could bring a non-Christian friend to?
3. Is this a church I would recommend to other Christians if they moved into the area?

These are helpful in the long term, but it isn’t possible to answer those questions on first arrival. First impressions will be formed from the welcome you receive to the songs that are sung and the first sermon that you hear. Some of us thrive in a crowd, while others function better in a smaller group. Students in our city often go to the more prominent ‘student’ churches, where they have lots of peers and a specialist programme. Others seek the smaller churches where they can feel part of the family. People are different. The essential thing is this question:

Will being part of this church family enable me to know Jesus, rejoice in Him and serve Him faithfully?

The church may not have a brilliant website, a busy student programme, talented musicians or even lots of student lunches - from the outside, it may look weak. But if, as far as you can discern, the leaders love the Lord, listen to His word, rejoice in His grace and seek to serve faithfully - then you have found something very precious.

If we think we have found this, we must never forget another essential tool - one all parents should strive to pass on to their Christian children. Examine the Scriptures carefully to see if what is being taught is so - be ‘Berean’ (Acts 17:11). Sometimes, even the shiniest churches drift from the foundation of God’s Word. It is a painful thing to discover that churches can be flawed. Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes this discovery as: ‘by sheer grace, God will not permit us to live in a dream world’^[1]. The Lord will use the ups and downs in our lives to bring us to maturity - sometimes, it will mean leaving a church and starting again, but that, too, is part of our discipleship.

^{[1] Dietrich Bonhoeffer ‘ Life Together. Prayerbook of the Bible’ ed. 2005, Fortress Press, p.35}