Why do people spend so much time on Facebook?
Why do they feel the need to check and recheck their social media? What does it do for them?
These questions matter because it is not enough simply to say ‘Stop’ or ‘Do it less’. If the only response you can give me is to be more self-controlled, then you are inviting me to be my own saviour. The Bible says rules on their own have no power to make us godly. Even on a good day legalism leads to pride, because the focus is on our efforts.
Grace brings self-control
We need instead to see how Christ offers more. It is the grace of God that leads to self-control.
‘For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self- controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age’ (Titus 2.11,12). In this case, Christ more than meets the needs that social media appear to satisfy for us. When we grasp the goodness of Christ, then the focus of change is not on us, but on him, and any change brings him glory rather than us.
In the case of social media we also need to look at why some people find using it so compulsive, because some of us may not be convinced we need saving from it. Why give up something I think is good? And social media are good. They bring many benefits. The problem is that their dominance in some of our lives may be a sign that we are turning to them when we should be turning to God.
Warning signs
For countless people, of course, using Facebook is not a problem. For many it is all blessing. But there are dangers in social networking, and here are some warning signs:
* Do you check your Facebook page more than once or twice a day?
* Do you spend more than 20 minutes a day on Facebook?
* Do you find it difficult to imagine a day without technology?
* Have you ever read a text or gone online during a church gathering?
* Have you stayed up beyond your normal bedtime because you were on Facebook or playing online games?
* Do you use your mobile phone during meals or keep it in the bedroom?
Those are some warning signs. What are the dangers? What is it about Facebook that makes it so addictive?
It is because I can recreate my world through my words to gain approval. Think about the name ‘Facebook’. It suggests a place where I can show my ‘face’ or my ‘image’.
1. I can recreate my ‘face’
One reason Facebook is popular is because it appears to allow me to create my image using my words. I type in a version of the person I want to be. I use my words to create a positive image. Or I upload pictures that portray me in a positive way. There are no pictures of me first thing in the morning or being bored.
Celebrity culture pours over the minutiae of the lives of the rich and famous. Facebook, blogs and Twitter allow us all to be celebrities with our lives on show. The world becomes my audience. On Facebook you do not have a conversation, you have an audience. Your life takes place on a stage and you are your own playwright, creating or recreating yourself through your words.
2. I can recreate my ‘space’
This is the genius of Facebook, MySpace and other social networking sites. Facebook enables me to have all my friends and family gathered in one place. What we cannot do in physical space, we can do in cyberspace: bring everyone together. But this is my space. I have dominion. This is my world.
The genius of Facebook is that all your friends come to you and all their friends come to them. So we simultaneously all inhabit our own little worlds, each with me at the centre.
These people are by definition my ‘chosen people’. In the Bible the ‘chosen people’ are God’s people, graciously chosen by him. God has chosen the people in your church so you can help each other come to maturity. But social media allows us to play God and create our own chosen people. And we are at the centre of this chosen circle.
One pastor told me: ‘The people I know who use Facebook most are those who are most self-obsessed.’ I remember a young woman who wrote a blog about her life. But like most of us, her life was pretty boring. So she constantly had to heighten the sense of drama. Her blog became the story of her heroic struggle to overcome really quite minor difficulties. The result was she thought of life as a constant self-obsessed melodrama.
Facebook specifically gratifies the narcissistic individual’s need to engage in self-promoting and superficial behaviour.
3. I can find approval
Not only do I create or recreate myself through my words on Facebook, but I can measure myself through Facebook. I can rank my image through the number of my Facebook friends or Twitter followers. I can score myself through the number of ‘Likes’ on my Facebook wall or the number of ‘comments’ my blog post receives. These become the index of my self-worth.
Notice, too, from whom I am seeking approval. I am defined by other’s people’s ‘gaze’, what they make of my ‘face’. The Bible calls this ‘the fear of man’. My overriding concern should be what God thinks of me. But instead my concern is what other users of social media think of me. It is their approval that matters. In contrast, Paul says: ‘Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ’ (Galatians 1.10). It is hard to imagine the man who wrote these words worrying too much whether his Facebook comments had received ‘Likes’ or how many Twitter followers he had! What mattered to him was the approval of God.
On Facebook I receive approval and I bestow approval. The result is that many people constantly check their Facebook page because this is where they receive affirmation.
Does it work?
Notice the language we are using. I recreate my image through my words. I recreate my world around me. I can find approval or justify myself. This is the salvation language. This is gospel language. Facebook — used in this way — is another gospel.
Does this work? Does self-creation or self-justification through Facebook work?
Alex Jordan of Stanford University found that people often feel depressed after spending time on Facebook. Why? Facebook is geared to project positivity. You upload pictures of people having a good time, not pictures of you feeling bored or miserable. Even the jokey, early morning shots of people looking rough are really saying: ‘Look, me after I’ve had a good time’. Compared to all these photos, the day I have just had at work seems dull or sad.
People can ‘Like’ something you have written. But there is no option to ‘Dislike’. So to get a response you have to phrase things in positive terms. No one is going to click ‘Like’ to ‘Had a miserable day at work’. So instead you put: ‘Looking forward to watching a movie with a tub of ice cream’. ‘Like’! No one is going click ‘Like’ to ‘My rabbit died yesterday’. So instead you put: ‘Fluffy was a brave little bunny until the very end’. ‘Like’!
We are all spin-doctors
So everyone’s Facebook’s face wears a smile — whatever the reality behind the mask. We are all spin doctors, presenting upbeat, propaganda versions of our lives.
So the typical process, the research revealed, goes like this: You are feeling miserable. You go onto Facebook. Everyone you know appears happy. So you feel a loser. All the time you forget that somewhere someone else is looking at your upbeat, unreal Facebook page and feeling like they are missing out.
There are exceptions. There are people who like to bemoan how difficult their life is. They too ‘spin’ their lives, but their message is misery. What they have in common with people who portray an upbeat version of their life is self-obsession.
Here is the test of whether you are facing this danger: is your Facebook self more attractive or successful than your real world self?
The real question is: am I trying to do self-identity or am I finding identity in Christ? Or: am I looking for approval from others through my words, or approval from God through his gospel word?
This article is an edited extract from Can I Be Your Facebook Friend? by Tim Chester, published by 10ofThose, and is used with permission.
