You don't tend to find too many conferences that deal with topics like this.
But in most of our lives and ministries there will be events or people that have given us days of pain. The young person in whom you have invested a lot of time or the event you had hoped would be significant that doesn't work out. I always thought the hardest to cope with was the young person who had appeared to be dedicated to the life of the youth group who decided, for reasons we don't often know about, to stop coming and turn their back on their faith.
It seems as though our ‘care for the flock’ (1 Peter 5.2) has gone seriously wrong. We ask ourselves questions like ‘How should I have dealt with that?’ or ‘Could there have been a more positive outcome?’. We may even challenge ourselves about whether our teaching has made sufficient impact. A few pointers may help.
Look for early signs
Is someone not looking so good or are they as attentive or responsive to what is going on. Young people will often stick around when they are questioning themselves. They may well be wanting answers which may need a one-to-one. Offer to spend quality time with them – read the Bible with them. But try to get to the root of the problem before the problem causes them to leave.
Develop habits of pastoral prayer
I think we often see our role as ‘running a group’. That’s certainly true but, as shepherds, we need to ‘pray and not lose heart’ (Luke 18.1). It’s easy to neglect this vital spiritual discipline, but it needs to be a high priority.
Evaluate but not forever
It’s sometimes helpful to think about how things are going and whether there are things you can improve. Sometimes this can be a reason for young people to drift away but it’s never the only reason.
Get pastoral care sorted
It’s often not seen as a priority in youth ministry, but someone needs to know whether young people are attending and, if not, they are followed up by one of the team. Not in a heavy-handed way, but they need to know they’ve been missed.
The small group
When I was leading a fairly large youth group it soon became obvious that we were not forming relationships at any deep level with the young people. Conversations were trivial and we saw ourselves as the ones who delivered the programme. Every young person attending the group needs to feel that there is a leader who knows them well.
And when the disappointments come along continue to trust in a sovereign God and do everything you can to restore their faith.
