As Tony’s wife walked into the room he quickly changed the browser page on his iPad. The immediate fear, followed by guilt, shame, and frustration, was a familiar experience.
He’d intended to open his Bible-reading app, but tired and wanting a bit of relaxation he diverted to the sports pages and, on the back of a stressful day at work, soon drifted into that fantasy world of pornographic images and videos. Again.
Feeling stuck and frustrated is a common experience when desires get out of control. We feel enslaved, and addiction means just that: a ‘giving over’, a devotion to some object of desire. But, though enslaved, we still pursue what the feelings want. It’s a slavery but a ‘voluntary slavery’.
Ruin
Within the world of mental health, addiction is diagnosed using a few main criteria: strong desires that can become a compulsion or craving; loss of control in my use of some object; and use that then begins to interfere with life in destructive ways.
Those criteria are helpful. Let’s come back to Tony. Strong desires? No doubt sexual feelings can be hard to say ‘no’ to. Loss of control? Tony tells himself he can give it up any time, but soon it is his refuge in any period of stress. Destructive effects? Distance in his relationship with his wife. The spiritually corroding influence of shame and guilt. Time wasted, and energy depleted with late nights spent online. The list could go on.
Root
Where do these desires come from? How come we lose control?
The Bible teaches us that desires arise from our hearts; they are a spiritual matter. Paul speaks of the desires of the flesh – that sinful nature that is at work through the wants, feelings, habits, weaknesses and members of our body. Paul elaborates: ‘Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry’ (Colossians 3:5).
Covetousness? Our desires ‘covet’. One is never enough. They want more and more of the pleasure, escape, comfort – and they want it too much. In fact, these desires can want their object more than God, to the point where they replace God. ‘Covetousness, which is idolatry.’ My desires get out of control because they want to take control.
Scripture exposes the core of our addictions: it’s about what I want, what I love, what I treasure, what I serve, my preferred escape. Addiction has rightly been named a worship disorder.
Remedy
How do we begin to address such a problem? Paul writes to Titus about these ‘worldly passions’: ‘For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour Jesus Christ’ (Titus 2:11-13).
See where Paul starts? Grace! A ‘no matter how many times you fail, I will love you’ kind of grace. A ‘let me invite you to a better refuge in your stress’ kind of grace. Now there’s a message for Tony in the midst of burden and defeat! But what will motivate Tony to say ‘no’ to passions that can feel overwhelming? Only a passion for something bigger and better. What could be good enough, pleasurable enough, glorious enough? Paul calls it the blessed hope, the appearing of Jesus Christ. Will we grow in a love for this grace-giving Saviour that will train us to deny our destructive desires as we wait for the blessed hope of seeing Him and enjoying His grace forever? Will we offer that grace to one in another in this common struggle? By His grace, we will.
