Bev Berrus discusses the importance of discipleship in the busy season of motherhood
‘Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.’ My husband often says this. Usually he’s referring to a perfectionism that says unless things are ‘just so’ or the exact idea I pictured in my head, I’d rather nothing at all. It’s a perfect/all-or-nothing mindset that, if unchecked, can keep even those who belong to Christ from simply obeying Him.
As a mum of three little ones, I can approach different areas of life this way. For instance, I may avoid church altogether because of sleep or feeding schedules, or concern about others’ germs. Perhaps you are too tired and stressed about packing up and getting the baby to sleep outside the home. We could easily calculate inconveniences, choosing to forsake what God calls good because it’s no longer the ideal we had in our minds.
Christ, the goal of discipleship
God gifted His church with various ministers of the word so that we all together might be unified in faith, maturing to the stature of the fullness of Christ, growing up in every way into him who is the head (Eph. 4). Christ is our pattern and goal in this life, not anyone else. Christian maturity and discipleship go hand-in-hand.
We are discipled as we gather together to listen to God’s word preached weekly, personally spending time communing with God, as well as meeting with others for accountability. God calls us to these noble duties and yet we can come up with ‘respectable’ excuses for not doing them.
Excuses like ‘I need to give my all to my kids right now’, or ‘I have nothing to offer other women in this season of life’, or ‘I’m too tired to meet with anybody’.
I have experienced growth through discipleship with other women in my church. I can see the faces of those who have helped me treasure the gospel more throughout the years. When I became a mother, I thought that kind of discipleship was over (or at least finished for a long time). After all, showers, sleep and quiet time were no longer a regularity – so why should discipleship or church be, I thought.
However discipleship with other women is not simply a box to be checked. It is part of the arsenal God has given us to fight the good fight, to grow up into the fullness of Christ, our head. Healthy discipleship is following Christ, alongside one another.
Women of the word
According to Titus 2:3-5, the older women were to teach the younger women what is good. They were to train them to love their families, care for their homes, be kind, self-controlled and pure, so that God’s word would not be reviled. What Paul was putting into place for the early Cretan churches was counter-cultural and revolutionary.
Sadly, we take this instrument of grace for granted in our present age. Life-on-life discipleship guided these earliest believers on how to come out of the immoral, pagan context they had been living in. To live as distinct and holy women, shining brightly in the midst of a godless place. In God’s great plan, discipleship is how we will leave a heritage of sound doctrine and godly living to the next generation.
Titus 2 assumes that God’s daughters will share life together, teaching what is good to one another. Saying, ‘Sorry, I can’t meet up with ladies because I have young children’ is not a biblical response. For Titus 2 clarifies, ‘That’s exactly why you need to meet up!’ I need God’s grace and kindness, as an imperfect mother. I need it in the form of other women in my church who will observe my life and give me God’s word. Every season of life demands discipleship.
So how do we do this? How do we not let the perfect be the enemy of the good? Here are a few practical ways:
1. Adjust your expectations.
I’ve been raising my kids in big cities: Washington DC, Dubai, and now Los Angeles. There are challenges to sharing life in a Christ-centred way throughout the week, but it means we need to adjust our expectations and be creative. A little discipleship with another sister is better than nothing at all.
Of course, it would be lovely to sit in a park or café without interruptions. But even when a playdate or one-to-one doesn’t produce the deep conversation you expected because kids are going nuts, don’t give up! Don’t lose heart in the slow simmer that produces deep friendship. Remind yourself that interruptions exist because God has blessed you with the task of raising image-bearers! Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
2. Employ technology
Ruth is a dear sister in my church. She and her husband are in our home regularly. With added traffic, it takes 45 minutes to see each other on a weekday.
One day, she texted to say she was upset. Nathan, a good husband, forgot on that day to pick her up and wasn’t answering her phone calls. She confessed that she was tempted to not show grace.
Then came her next text: ‘Please pray for me. That I will have wisdom on how to deal with this.’ Astounding. She asked me to help her apply the gospel to her conflict, her marriage, and her life. For several minutes, I prayerfully texted with Ruth in between homework sessions. Ruth later said that the forbearance and mercy she showed Nathan was purely the work of the Holy Spirit.
In times like these, I thank God for the ability to quickly Skype, Facetime or send a text. Technology isn’t the only thing I rely on for discipleship, but it can be a useful tool for letting other mums or women know that they are loved and prayed for.
3. Open up your life
Paul said to the Thessalonians: ‘We were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.’ (1 Thess. 2:8) This is the heart that God’s people ought to have for one another, isn’t it? As we treasure our spiritual siblings, we will share our lives with them, in hope of maturing together.
Fact: we are absolutely, out-of-our-minds, crazy busy as mothers of young children. Our days are filled with the imperfect, the unexpected, and exhausting. Don’t let it keep you from what is good and right. Your flesh wants to forsake what you need the most. Don’t call optional what God has commanded as essential. He is the master surgeon who knows our infirmities and has given us the perfect treatment plan. Sisters, when it comes to the body of Christ, don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
