Steve Wicks questions whether Christians should poke fun at one another
As someone who is part of a sports team and finds himself around non-Christians who regularly tease and mock each other, a ques-tion I often have is: ‘As a Christian can I join in with this kind of banter as a sign of our mutual friendship?’ (I recognise that there are many different definitions of banter, but it was this area of put-downs and humorous insults that especially puzzled me).
For example, why do we expect the best man to have his speech full of ribbing and to be minimal on the mushy stuff? Kate Fox, author of Watching the English, believes this is because banter ‘specifically excludes all the things [the English] don’t like and that makes us uncomfortable: emotion, soppiness, earnestness and clarity.’
I take it as read that Christians ought to have a sense of humour, and that, though it doesn’t always come across, our Lord Jesus made jokes. Be it planks in eyes, swallowing camels or exploding wine skins.
But should I use this type of banter? Personally, I think it is permissible for a Christian; but that there are certain principles and dangers which are in play, and which I hope to tease out.
To think about this ethical question, I’m going to be using John Frame’s tri-perspectival approach1. That is to say we need to hold together three ‘Ps’: the Proclaimed (i.e. revealed scriptural commands), the Place, and the Person. For something to be right, you need to rightly account for all three.
The Proclaimed: did Jesus ever banter?
Perhaps the most pertinent command regarding banter is found in Ephesians 5:4: ‘Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.’
Read those verses again. Clearly much of what passes for banter on nights out is not acceptable for a Christian to participate in. We can’t just laugh it off as ‘I was joking’. Paul specifically includes jokes as an area for the believer to be distinctive in. Therefore, if we fill our heads with comedies full of coarse joking, then no wonder we will find it hard to resist the temptation not to join in.
But did Jesus ever banter? Was His naming of James and John ‘Sons of Thunder’ (Mark 3:17) banterful? Who can read Luke 24:19 and Jesus playing dumb on the Emmaus road and not find themselves grinning?
Very little has been written on this area. In 1965, Elton Trueblood identified the conversation Jesus held with the Syrophoenician woman in Mark 7:24-30 as a banterful exchange2. In this passage Jesus calls a woman a ‘dog’. It is shocking to hear Him use an insult employed by the Jews towards (unclean) Gentiles. No wonder many take umbrage with what Jesus said. Yet, for Trueblood, ‘the clue to Christ’s spirit in the entire encounter is His immediate affirmative and friendly response to the woman’s wit … If Christ could respond so readily to the banter of another, there is reason to suppose that there was an element of banter in His own earlier and apparently insulting statements.’
From this we learn what we already know in life, that ‘there are numerous words … which cannot be said seriously without arousing anger and resentment, but which can be said jokingly, with no harm at all, between those who understand one another’s friendly spirit. That Jesus was indulging in this kind of banter about racial and national differences is the only logical alternative to the insufferable hypothesis that He was being intentionally chauvinistic and rude.’ It seems reasonable to deduce that there was something – be it a smile, tone, or glint in the eye – which invited such a response from the woman.
Possibly, this is why some people can ‘get away with it’. They have a light-hearted-charisma that clearly communicates through non-verbal signs that such banter is not to be taken to heart, but is meant playfully. Words alone do not tell us the whole story, which makes written banter especially precarious. James Cary makes a similar point when he discusses jokes, judging whether they were ‘an act of cruelty, observation, satire or good-banter banter? That entirely depends on who is telling the joke, to whom, and where. The actual words of the joke are not going to tell you whether the joke was suitable or in good taste … Context is king’3. Perhaps this is why instances of banter in Scripture are so rare?
Maybe Jesus bantered more than has been recorded? After all He hung out with His disciples and was invited to parties – something which tends not to happen to people who are serious all the time. Clearly, He continually displayed the glory of God. But has not our holy God also given us joyful festivals, play and rest? He is after all a blessed God.
The Place: all jokes are ‘in’-jokes
The Place, that is the context. Crucial to successful banter is a shared context and culture. We all know that different cultures find different things funny. Context is key because banter thrives on a sense of double-talk, of not saying what you mean. Thus, it requires a considerable amount of interpretive awareness on the part of the listener(s) in order to ‘get it’. Hence, every joke is in fact an ‘in’-joke. So no wonder, done right, banter is an enjoyable sign of friendship.
But if there is an ‘in’, then there is also an ‘out’. One of the dangers of banter is that it excludes those who don’t get it; sometimes with disastrous consequences. A pastor bantering with a church member may communicate affection to many in the church, but others (who are visiting or from a different culture) might find themselves shocked that such an ‘unloving’ comment could come from a follower of Jesus. In much the same way as the stronger/weaker brother in Romans 14, the onus is on the speaker to be hospitable and not to exclude others by their use of humour. We need to think of the entire audience.
The Person: ability to take a joke
Humour is as individual as people are, and as a general rule: ‘If you don’t find it funny you won’t be funny.’ There is, after all, a ‘magic ingredient’ that makes something funny; so don’t be surprised if you try bantering out of character, and are met with just awkward silence. Having different senses of humour is part of the rich diversity which God has created.
When bantering, we do need to think about what is going on in the inside. Why are we doing it? Expressing friendship? Or to slander and make ourselves look good?
Of course, there is ‘a time to laugh’ (Ecc. 3:4). But not all the time. Don’t be a bore, but don’t be a buffoon either. People that joke all the time are rarely turned to when comfort and gentleness is needed.
However, nor should we be deadly serious all the time. Clearly there is an appropriate place for seriousness, and maybe more than our banterful culture (usually) wants. Perhaps if people could see that Christians took God seriously, and themselves less seriously, more people would be willing to listen to what we have to say. As Christians we should be humble and able to take a joke about ourselves. Don’t forget that it was the Pharisees and religious leaders who couldn’t take a joke about themselves. Yet we are sinners saved by grace. Such humility allows us to find ourselves ridiculous without being insecure and defensive.
The Punchline
Thinking through the question of the appropriateness of banter is complex. There are many expressions of banter today which Christians should avoid. They may contain crude language (Proclamation), be misunderstood (Place), or come from an impure motive (Person).
However, a Christian could partake in a distinctive form of banter. A form of joking whereby words were used appropriately, expressing Christ-like humour by giving non-verbal cues (Proclamation), where there was a shared understanding (Place), and a desire to deepen friendship (Person). Bantering requires wisdom and maturity. Yet as a form of speech, I believe it does have its place for a follower of Christ.
