It might be at school drop-off. The sweet little boy, with a mop of wild hair, runs excitedly along. His legs are moving too fast for his body, then comes that awful moment when you know he’s about to fall.
The sound of knees hitting concrete. The pause. Then the scream. Every parent steps towards him, hands out, gasps of sympathy, longing to fix it, wipe the tears and take away the pain.
Or just before bed. Your ten-year-old daughter is tired. You’re tired. She says these words with moist sad eyes fixed on you: ‘I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.’ There is a long pause. You’re the parent: you’re meant to be able to stop the tears. You know the cause. You’ve had this conversation so many times before. The tears still come.
Then the tears seem to be replaced by silence in the teenage years. Time alone in their bedroom. Questions with care seem to cause more anger than honesty. When once you felt like you had tools at your disposal for fixing their problems, now you’re not even sure you know what the problems are.
Every single aspect of every single life is affected by the impact of sin. In the small details of our children’s lives, the shine seems to always be removed. It might be the rare moment of their success that is spoilt by the cutting jealous words of a friend. Or it could be the exciting school trip that is missed because of the freak vomiting bug. But the brokenness is also in the large, suffocating situations that can dominate our children’s lives. The young life that is torn apart by a rare illness. The beautiful persevering family on the estate who are constantly fighting against the claustrophobic limitation of unemployment and poverty. The gifted, talented teenager who is crushed by depression and self harm.
Suffering is to be expected
Suffering is part of a Christian’s identity. That is difficult for Christian parents to face. Suffering is going to be part of the story of our children’s lives if they seek to follow Christ. Everyone should expect a life that features some element of brokenness and frustration. But as Christians, we expect suffering in this life because we are Christians. We have been told to expect persecution (2 Tim. 3:12), painful difficulties in our lives that God uses to draw us closer to Him (Heb. 12:11) and a daily choice to put our own preferences and comfort second (Matt. 16:24). As a parent our instinct is to choose the path of least resistance for our children, but to encourage our children to pursue a Christian life is to know that a life with less comfort lies ahead. We do the maths. We are not cruel. We are certain that the sacrifice is worth it for the life to the full that Christ offers now as well as the wonderful eternal life that Christ offers after His return. Christian parents are definitely loving their children by wanting them to live for Christ. To commend this life for our children means we must be ready to train them for the inevitable suffering. It is no different to any aspect of parenting. As we allow our children to climb a tree, to step onto the stage, to run onto the sports pitch, to take the exam or to spend their money, we are allowing them to risk failure and to learn from the experience as we love them through it. As we raise our children, part of that journey is walking with them through the suffering and pointing to their good shepherd throughout, because the purpose of our parenting is for the day when we are not there.
