A church leader told me the story of James, a young man who had grown up in his church, going through all their groups, attending regularly. James headed off to Uni with suggestions of churches to try there, his home church satisfied that they had fulfilled their role.
Each holiday James came home having not got involved in a church. He had started going to the student group but then drifted away. The church leader admitted feeling angry with James for not playing his part, but he had to think again because he had seen this pattern repeated in the lives of several other young adults leaving his church. He concluded that James had never actually been part of the church. James knew how to be part of a church age group, being taught, being cared for, and hanging out with his peers, but he did not know how to do church – for example, by serving and by being in fellowship with people across generations.
Research has found that two thirds of those who were active in their church during secondary school no longer remained in a church aged 18–22. Most strikingly, 71% of those who dropped out did not plan on doing so. It just happened. In practical terms, if you ask ten church-going 17- and 18-year-olds if they plan to still be attending church in three years time, eight will say they will be (and they believe it). If you track those ten young people through, you will find that only three are.
We are good at running groups for our children and young people. We know their names. We love them. When they miss a Sunday, we notice. We teach them. We listen to them. They enjoy coming. We think of them as part of our church. They think of themselves as part of our church. But we discover when they reach adulthood that all is not as it seems. Sadly, I cannot give you the three-step process to change this story. There is complexity, nuance and a miraculous work of the Lord for any young person to take a personal faith into adulthood.
Let me focus on one factor we could consider as parents and as churches. About 15 years ago, the Sticky Faith report found that for faith to stick into adulthood, the number five was critical. They found that if a child had a team of five around them it made a critical difference. These five would be a supportive web of relationships, being Christian role models across the generations and giving the individual others to talk to beyond their parents. It sounds like the model of church that Paul gave Timothy: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Tim. 5v1-2).
The picture of church that is painted for us here is a big family. Place a child into this picture. Teach him to talk to the older man as he does to his dad or his grandad, and to chat to the younger man as to his big brother or maybe his uncle. Teach her to sit next to the older woman as she would her granny. Encourage them to look after younger boys and girls as they would their own little siblings (for better or worse!).
The consistent message of recent research is that young people keep their faith into adulthood not primarily because of teaching or age-group programmes, but because they are embedded in a relational, intergenerational church community where they are valued, serving members who feel they belong to this body of Christ. In short, we need to support parents in developing treasured Christian disciples over consistent, diligent attenders.
