Who are you in secret – really?

Who You Are When No One’s Looking was one of the books that profoundly influenced me as a new Christian more than 30 years ago. The book spelled out the need to develop a Christlike character so that the godliness we display in public is not a pretence, but an extension of our private devotion.

Given how big an impression the book had on me, I was floored when its author, a high-profile pastor, resigned from his church because of sexual immorality.

Sadly, he is not the only one. We hold our heads in our hands when we hear of yet another evangelical leader whose immorality, greed and pride has been exposed. We grieve as the world watches on with incredulity at our lack of integrity and inability to ‘walk the talk’. Does this constitute an evangelical leadership crisis? No. Unfortunately, I don’t think the problem is confined to church leaders or a few celebrity pastors we put on pedestals they had no business being on. Leaders may have unique pressures and temptations, but their fall from grace happens the same way ours does – one sin at a time.

As Spurgeon said: ‘No professing Christian falls into the great open sin all at once; much backsliding has gone before. See the tree blown down by the strong winds; nine times out of ten, if you look carefully at it, you will see that insects have been at work at it years before, and rotted it: and therefore, when at last the trial came, it only consummated what had long been going on.’

For whatever reason – the demands of life, the pressures of ministry, or just the sheer enjoyment of sin – we fail to stop the rot. It doesn’t take many days without prayer and being in the Bible, many occasions where we resist the Spirit, many absences from fellowship and service, for our spiritual fervour to take a nosedive. The priority becomes sustaining our public performance rather than taking care of our private world. We’re consumed with looking good and pleasing people, rather than being good and pleasing God. We forget that who we are when no one’s looking is really who we are.

When God confronts us with our sin, He gives us the opportunity to press into the gospel again – ‘We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope’ (Tim Keller). With the beauty of the gospel before us and the strength of God’s Spirit within us, we repent, renewing our efforts to deal ruthlessly with sin and cultivate holy habits that will sustain us when the desire to give up or give in threatens to overwhelm us.

Paul’s words to Timothy apply to us: ‘Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers’ (1 Tim. 4:16). ‘Watch your life and doctrine closely’ is surely Paul’s shorthand way of saying: ‘Be careful about what you believe, but also how you live. Hold fast to the truth of God’s word and let it guide your everyday life’. Paul calls us to persevere because this obedience is not glamorous, it is relentless and costly. It is not a once-in-a-lifetime expression of devotion, but a daily commitment to trust and obey God, not only in the big decisions or in the public sphere, but in the myriad small decisions that no one sees.

Thankfully, we are not left to our own devices. We have the grace of God in Christ enabling us to say ‘no’ to sin and ‘yes’ to righteousness (Titus 2:11-12). We also have the promise of a very great reward: ‘Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.’ The ripples of devastation felt from one fallen pastor can be counteracted as God uses our obedience to bring others to salvation. In ways we can’t even imagine, our personal holiness can impact our children, grandchildren, neighbours, non-Christian friends, and the people in our church. They have front-row seats to see that our love for God burns bright even when we face obstacles, disappointments, and temptations. They watch how we deal with sin and suffering, and it points them to Jesus.

We must acknowledge the trail of disillusionment left by the moral failings of church leaders, but not give up hope. We still have a better story to tell the world: the gospel is true, Jesus is risen, and our future is secure. People around us are not looking for clever arguments, but to see the gospel lived out. Our lives – though far from perfect – can point to the goodness of God and His transforming grace. With such a lot at stake, who you are when no-one’s looking really does matter.