I have a friend who grew up in Nigeria. As a child, his family would pray before going on a journey across their city.
They never felt sure that they would arrive safely or in good time. Dependence on the Lord was the air he breathed. His parents led him every day in looking to the Lord to provide.
In the West, less is in doubt. For many of us, for much of the time, our transport is safe, our jobs are secure, our banks store our money, and our doctors are on hand for emergencies. It could be that becoming a parent is the first time we discover that we are not in control. We might try to delay that discovery. During the pre-school years we might be able to convince ourselves that we have every situation covered. We can usually (eventually) force our child to bend to our will. In the primary school years, we might be able to tackle problems through conversations with teachers, or by organising playdates and closely policing every minute that we can. We can often wipe away the tears, whisking our child out of harm’s way and wrapping our arms around them to keep them safe. But eventually, we have to acknowledge that our arms are not big enough to keep our child safe from every danger or crisis. Sometimes the threat comes from outside, through hard friendships, poverty, accidents or illness. Other times, the heartbreak comes from the discovery that children – like all of us – have weaknesses, experience failure, and are sinners by nature.
Of course, parenting is not the only way to learn dependence on the Lord. Many learn it in other circumstances, perhaps through the breakup of their family, a chronic illness, or the multiple challenges of living in a deprived community. For some, parenting feels like a piece of cake compared to their other experiences. Whatever our life situation, every Christian is called to depend completely on the Lord.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Prov.3:5-6, NIVUK)
To be a Christian is to be on a permanent apprenticeship in dependence. However we gain that apprenticeship, we believe that the Lord is doing a good work in us because to trust God completely is to enjoy His good purposes; His straight paths.
A friend has a brother with long-term severe mental illness. Before she became a Christian she felt totally responsible for him: ‘The buck stopped with me. I had to fix him. It was all on me.’ She talks passionately of the difference that becoming a Christian made. Her love for her brother grew, but the responsibility for him became the Lord’s. Her burden was lifted. That is her experience of trusting in the Lord with all her heart.
For parents, there is a saying: ‘You’re only ever as happy as your least happy child.’ If you ask a parent how they are, their first answer often focuses on their child. It can take a significant or even catastrophic event to learn to depend on the Lord for our, and our children’s, well-being. Have we understood that the Lord knows and loves our children even more than we do? We will be loving our friends well if we help them to make the connection between their love for their child and the Lord’s desire to be their rock. We do not need to control our child’s every moment, every decision or every word. Of course, parents have a role, but it is often not the one they are worrying about. We are parenting for the day we are not there. Ultimately, our role is to show our children the Lord, so that they trust Him, not us, in their time of need.
