In these two short extracts from her new book, She Needs – Women Flourishing in the Church, Nay Dawson writes about how women in Christian contexts can often be patronised and infantilised. She cites Jen Wilkin (an author and Bible teacher from Texas who has led studies for women over many years) who speaks of three female ghosts that haunt the church: the Child, the Usurper and the Temptress. Nay writes, concerning the Child:
Many years ago, I was at a conference. I tried to join a conversation with two male acquaintances, but their response was, ‘Go away, silly little girl.’ I felt sick and stupid, and just wished I could disappear. Women are often treated as children; decisions are made for them, and they are patronised and humiliated in conversations.
Here are three examples from friends.
Danielle
Being a young leader in a charity and at the same time a woman is really challenging. Some of the difficulties I face involve my work alongside pastors in the church. Because I am a woman, they don’t pay much attention to the work I do, or to my invitation to partner. The fact that I am young puts even greater pressure on me. In my country, a young woman leading an organisation doesn’t sound like something serious. I have had so many situations where my husband was heard and listened to, even though he was saying the same thing as I was. The other challenge for me is how the younger men perceive me; they are often reserved when talking or discussing different topics with me. There is that invisible fight for the right to be right because they are male and I am a woman. Even though I might be older or more experienced.
Esther
I was invited to present my work at a pastors’ meeting because the ‘leader’ had met my father and liked him. The guy introduced me, mentioning he had met my father and that he was a great guy. I was 36 or 37 at the time and had been attending those meetings for six years. I wasn’t aware that I needed my dad’s name to develop my own ministry.
Caroline
I was excited for the new vicar to join us at the church where I was working as a youth leader. I was anxious to get to know him and everything seemed fine for a while, but soon that changed.
He didn’t make much effort to get to know me; we didn’t have regular meetings and he never gave me any idea of what he was expecting of me, so I bumbled along as best I could. There were a few times when he let the church wardens shout at me and send me abusive emails, and he always took their side.
I was meeting up with an older woman in the church and, one morning, instead of meeting at my house, she asked me to come to the church with her. I went in and there was the vicar. I had no idea what he wanted. He sat me down and told me he wanted me to leave. He told me people were complaining about me, and parents were unhappy with me. He provided no evidence of this, nor could he name one person who had said this. Instead, he treated me like a child.
Each of these women were treated by others as a child. I wonder if any aspects of these stories resonate with you?
Here are some clues that you might be being treated as a child
• Others are making decisions for you.
• You have been patronised or humiliated in front of others.
• Others are controlling you.
• Your independence is discouraged.
• You are told what to do in your free time.
• Male peers are given more freedom than you.
We’ll look later at what Danielle, Esther and Caroline need and how Jesus’ words could be used to respond to the ghost of the Child (pp. 52-54).
Jesus bucks cultural norms; he treats women with dignity and validates them as human beings made in the image of God. Not only is he willing to spend time with the Samaritan woman, despite racial tensions between Jews and Samaritans, but he sits down, listens to her and talks theology with her. I love this story and the transformation that happened because of her encounter with Jesus. She was the first recorded Gentile to recognise Jesus as the Messiah, and she was the first to go and tell a community about him. For me, her story is a compelling reason in favour of women being evangelists, women communicating the good news of Jesus Christ. As she spoke, many came to believe in Jesus for themselves. In this passage, it’s not the temptress who causes shock and surprise, it’s Jesus and the way he values women. After two decades of working in ministry, I have very few close friends. I think one of the reasons is because I’m a woman and I’ve worked in mostly male environments. Men don’t see me as a friend. In all that time, there has only been one colleague who became a friend. He keeps in touch, phones me for a catch-up and is happy to support me and pray for me … Imagine if … we treated one another differently? If we treated one another in all purity as brothers and sisters (pp. 62-3).
SHE NEEDS: Women Flourishing in the Church
By Nay Dawson. IVP. 100 pages. £9.99
ISBN 978 1 789 744 521
