It is so very easy to find a reason not to be gentle. Whether it is within the family, in a debate at church, or in a forum online, most of us are experts at justifying unkind words.
In the face of, what seems to us, others’ unwise, unmeasured, ungodly or simply unthought-through comments, we may quickly default to snapping, lashing out, responding tersely, or putting others down. At times, we may regret our lack of gentleness but, more often, we reassure ourselves that our response was appropriate. After all, some people really do say (or write) the most unhelpful things.
Most of us are aware of the Biblical call to be gentle. It is a component of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 6:22); we are called to be completely humble and gentle with one another (Eph.4:2); our gentleness is meant to be evident to all (Phil.4:5). But, in the pressures of day-to-day living, we find it more natural, more convenient and more expedient to set gentleness aside.
There may be multiple reasons why that might be. Maybe our desire to defend our corner or be seen to be right outweighs our desire to love. But I suspect, part of the struggle is that we forget three important points about gentleness:
Gentleness is Christ’s nature
Jesus described Himself as ‘gentle and humble in heart’ (Matt.11:29). It is a verse we know and have probably read much about, but therein lies a danger – it is a verse that can become over-familiar and dull. It is worth dwelling on it afresh. Christ is gentle. It is who He is. It was how He treated the sufferers and sinners with whom He met during His earthly ministry. It is how He treats us. When we sin and are slow to repent – when we doubt and despair – when we are bruised by this fallen world, He is gentle with us. He is the kindest, most patient brother we could ever have.
Gentleness is Christ’s call
Those of us who are in Christ – those of us who are having His image in us restored bit by bit – will therefore be on a journey towards increasing gentleness. And that is not a context-specific call. Paul, when writing to Titus in what must have been a deeply frustrating church context, tells him to be ‘gentle towards everyone’ (Titus 3:2). In case we are in doubt, Paul echoes those sentiments when writing to Timothy. Here he explicitly includes opponents amongst those with whom we should be gentle – they may need teaching, but that instruction should be given gently (2 Tim.2:25).
Gentleness is deeply powerful
Why? Pushing others harshly is rarely – if ever – an effective path to persuading someone of their error, deepening a relationship, or eliciting a constructive response. And that is partly because, in Christ’s plans, harshness is nowhere near as powerful as gentleness. A harsh word is far more likely to stir up anger than result in something productive (Prov.15:1). But gentleness and patience – those attributes can change the hearts of people in power. According to the wisdom literature, they are strong enough to break a bone (Prov. 25:15). It is a startling truth: harsh, insensitive, unkind or ill-advised words are profoundly weak and ineffective when compared to a gentle turn of phrase.
Remembering those three things will not automatically make us gentle. Many of us have spent years practising being short with family, colleagues or online ‘friends’. Thankfully, the Lord is gentle with us in our struggles. His Spirit is at work, growing what is beautiful in His own good time. But remembering them, together, may enable us to spur one another on to love and good works (Heb.10:24). As we allow others to speak into our attitudes and actions, we can see more clearly the ways we might be acting like someone outside God’s family, someone who is not taking their call to heart, or someone whose methods are deeply weak. And, little by little, we can repent and relearn to love those around us, with a counter-cultural kindness that can only come from Christ.
More about Biblical Counselling UK is available at www.bcuk.org or you can contact them at info@bcuk.org or c/o Christ Church, Christchurch Street, Cambridge CB1 1HT
en offers its warm congratulations to Helen on her recent marriage.
