As the winter nights draw in, the log burner in our house gets used a little more. In the evenings, the flames dance – towards the end of the night, they diminish – soon there are just embers to be seen – eventually the fire goes out. Sometimes, however, that is not the end of the story. Sometimes – seemingly out of nowhere – the flames revive, and they can be fierce.
Some of us will know something similar in our sanctification. Something happens – our ungodly emotions or words run hot – but, with prayer and a Bible-centred pursuit of change, we become more like Christ. Sometimes the ungodly emotions feel as if they have disappeared; it feels like a victory has been won, but then they seem to re-emerge in a flash. Anger ignites, reviving hurts from the past; jealousy overwhelms as an unwanted memory pops up. Something we thought was long dealt with comes rushing back.
When that happens, it is important not to jump to simplistic conclusions. Those who struggle may assume they are a mess, ungodly to the core because they cannot let go. Those who look on may assume the person who is struggling has failed to forgive or trust the Lord. The picture is likely to be far more complex than that. Change does take time. Sanctification does include periods of encouragement and periods that are hard. Even our largely ungodly emotions may have some good in them – they will certainly have some reasons behind them. Instead of leaping to assumptions, there may be some helpful questions to ask:
What encouragements have there been in recent months? Yes, there may have been a resurgence of an unwelcome emotion or behaviour today, but that is not the sum of our sanctification and growth. We are not defined by an in-the-moment emotion but by Christ’s work for us – and His work can be celebrated any day. We are children of the living God – that is who we are (1 John 3v1).
What hard things fuelled the emotions in the first place, and what hard things were happening when the emotions returned? We never want to excuse ungodly emotions or behaviour, but we do want to understand them and, where suffering is involved, we need to run to the God of all comfort (2 Cor.1v3). Sometimes strong emotions return when we’ve stopped running to the Lord with our laments about the things that are hard. When suffering isn’t processed with the Lord who loves us, our response to suffering oozes out in other ways.
How are things physically? Ill health, hormone changes, being generally exhausted or run down, all make a difference. Again, it’s not an excuse, but it is something to attend to – with kindness. When Elijah’s despair got the better of him, the Lord fed him before asking him to carry on (1 Kings 19v6).
What ongoing practical strategies are in place to continue the process of change? When someone first starts a process of change, they often have a clear plan, and they often have the prayers and encouragement of brothers and sisters in Christ. After a while, both tend to wane. If they have waned, it is worth formulating a new plan and encouraging people to pray for us afresh. We need others to spur us on to love and good works (Heb.10v24) – we need strategies to flee temptations (2 Tim2v22) and fight it with spiritual armour too (Eph. 6v10-18).
How were the ungodly emotions handled when they returned? A sinful emotion or act is not the unforgiveable sin. If an emotion was noted, understood, repented of, and (where appropriate) steps were taken to rebuild relationships with others involved, then that sinful emotion – however unwelcome – has progressed toward grace and renewed change. The Lord’s grace does not run out.
As we work through these questions we can begin to understand and, more importantly, respond well to the return of hard things. And that means, even on days when it feels like we are going backwards, there is still an abundance of hope.
