Our first child was born at about 6am. It had been a long night. I am clear that my wife had more reason to be tired than me. Giving us some early respite, our child slept through that first day. Parenting seemed easier than childbirth. It came to chucking out time, when I was being sent home for the night. I looked forward to a good night’s sleep. I was smart enough not to say that out loud. Just as my hand was on the door to leave, my wife asked a question that sent a thunderbolt through my body: “What do I do if she wakes up?”
That was the moment when I realised we were in big trouble. I knew that I had no idea what I was doing, but how could she not know? I had quietly assumed that I would be in my wife’s parenting wake. How could it be possible for us to have a child when neither of us knew what to do next?
Parents need churches
And so began our total reliance on the godly parents in our church. We had them on speed dial. While I was shocked by how hard this was, none of them were. I stopped being embarrassed by how many questions we had. We asked for help. I was open about the many worries circling around.
Eventually, after several months, there was a new creeping confidence that we could reliably cover the essentials of food, sleep and clothes. Then came the second moment of revelation – that there was even more to parenting as Christians. Could we take our first steps in intentionally raising this precious bundle to know Jesus as Lord? And for this also, our friends stepped in. Church is the support structure God intended for every parent.
We recently surveyed a cross-section of church leaders from across evangelical networks about how they are supporting parents and where they see opportunities in the church’s provision. It is an encouraging picture. Irrespective of the size of the church, their determination to help parents disciple their own children is clear.
Of those church leaders, the vast majority said that they are clear on their church’s vision for families and parents, but so often that vision is not shared by those families and parents. Recent research (‘Taking the Pulse’, CYM) has highlighted how the headline goals of family ministry are seen differently by church leaders and parents. Parents often find it hard to be honest with their Christian brothers and sisters about the reality of life behind the front door. Interviews in services can be so helpful in clarifying the normal expectations of Christian parenting and in helping to cast a vision for what discipleship can look like in any home.
In our survey, church leaders said the topics most commonly raised by parents have been: emotional wellbeing; sex and sexuality; body image and gender identity. Christian parenting often starts with brightly coloured board books telling the story of Noah, David and Jesus, but when we get to primary school the topics quickly become more complex. There are still great, simple, beautiful Christian answers to give. We find that some Christian parents are not clear on the Bible’s teaching on these complex issues, while others are finding it difficult to have the short, simple conversations in the kitchen. Church can help!
We were told that churches with less than 100 people feel stretched, so running training for parents feels hard to prioritise. That makes sense! We were also told that parents wanted relationships more than they wanted resources but their busyness often gets in the way of heavy-duty training.
This is why we produced the Raising Confident Kids parenting resource. It is three short videos, each less than ten minutes, with a few handouts to open up these conversations. We wanted to provide a small amount of “input” to start the conversations in the local church and to strengthen those relationships. We find that training parents works well remotely, so that a babysitter isn’t needed and the less engaged parent can attend without leaving their armchair. We recommend small breakout groups for those more sensitive conversations, perhaps with a mature Christian placed in each one. You know your church. Do it your way. Click this link to access the resource: https://www.faithinkids.org/resources/parents/raising-confident-kids-parenting-resource/ (also linked at the beginning of this paragraph).
