A ‘huge wake-up call’ for churches

WHEN NARCISSISM COMES TO CHURCH:
Healing your community from emotional and
spiritual abuse
By Chuck DeGroat
Inter-Varsity Press, US. 200 pages. £14.99
ISBN 978 0 830 841 592

It is possible that many readers will not have heard of Chuck DeGroat.

He is a Professor of Pastoral Care and Christian Spirituality at Western Theological Seminary, in Holland – that’s Holland, Michigan, USA. Though I’ve never heard of this WTS, if he’s representative of the faculty, then it’s up there with the other WTS (Westminster, Philadelphia).

Yet the personality disorder called ‘narcissicism’ is surely much more well known. It describes a set of behaviours that are horribly destructive of all who are left in its wake. Whilst some say there are nine personality traits that help define narcissism, DeGroat explains six that are given by other respected authors, then adds four of his own.

This is such an important area that I will list them, whilst noting that DeGroat helpfully unpacks them and shows what they look like within a church setting. The six are: all decision making is centred on the individual; impatience or a lack of ability to listen properly to others; delegating without giving proper authority or with too many limits; feelings of entitlement; feeling threatened or intimidated by other talented staff; needing to be the best and brightest in the room. The issues are rooted in power and control, however manipulatively these are presented to the world.

DeGroat then adds four more characteristics, based on his 20-plus years of ministry experience: inconsistency and impulsiveness; praising and withdrawing; intimidation of others; fauxnerability. That last word – fauxnerability – needs explaining because it is highly relevant. He means ‘false vulnerability’. The kind you hear when a preacher talks about how they struggled with something (but note that it was always in the past, or it’s something they’ve conquered). They appear to be being vulnerable, but in fact they are solidifying their power.

If a reader finds any of these rings a bell, then they may need help. And sadly, DeGroat shows how your own church may not be the best place to start.

Narcissism in church is not just about individuals, though. DeGroat persuasively shows how entire systems – church governance, church cultures and church organisation structures – can become narcissistic. It is abundantly clear that when a church has suffered under a narcissistic pastor, there is much more work to do than simply replacing them. Unless the deep work of corporate cultural change is embraced properly (and invariably with qualified outside help), there is a great danger that similar problems will persist. When a church has suffered from abusive leadership, the congregation and especially leadership need to take ownership of their responsibility for having sustained that ministry for so long. This is a huge wake-up call to us in the UK, where churches and Christian organisations have suffered under narcissistic leaderships.

Uncomfortable

It makes for very uncomfortable reading at times, especially for those who have suffered under abusive pastors. But DeGroat shows that the process of understanding and analysis is essential to the work of healing in someone. With tremendous grace and clear Biblical truth, he also shows how there is hope – even for the most narcissistic of ministers.

He confesses that part of what keeps him going is that he loves redemption stories – something surely every Christian rejoices in. So rather than labelling someone as a forlorn hope, he argues that there can be change and shows how. Suffice to say, he avoids cheap grace or superficial repentance.

All this means that the book imparts great knowledge and insight and is highly recommended for our contemporary church.

Why surprisingly insightful? Because the reader can feel, on almost every page, the beating heart of a pastor who has suffered and wept with sufferers yet seen the power of God at work. And throughout, the ‘finger’ slowly shifts from explaining a term, to seeing others, to addressing our own hearts.

He doesn’t suggest for a moment that we are all closet narcissists. But DeGroat gently touches nerves to humble us before God.