Richard Underwood reviews Ed Shaw's The Intimacy Deficit.
There are some books I wish I’d read, and there are others I wish I’d written. Ed Shaw’s The Intimacy Deficit is among the latter.
It is a deeply insightful and pastorally rich exploration of the relational void that besets many of us today. The sense of disconnection that often manifests in excessive consumption, digital overwhelm, pornography, and mental health struggles.
Drawing on his experience in ministry and personal life, Shaw challenges our culture’s narrow and sexualised understanding of intimacy. He reframes our deepest ache not as pathological, but theological – a signpost pointing toward our original design: to be fully known and loved. He argues that our deepest longings for connection extend far beyond romantic relationships, encompassing four crucial areas: intimacy with God, with ourselves, with others, and with creation.
The book excels in its holistic approach, demonstrating how these four strands of intimacy are interconnected and mutually reinforcing. Shaw unpacks each dimension with clarity, compassion, and robust Biblical grounding. He identifies the barriers that prevent us from flourishing in these areas. Whether it’s the self-deception that comes from prosperity, or the relational struggles rooted in a lack of healthy friendships, Shaw gently diagnoses the problem while consistently pointing to gospel-shaped solutions.
His tone is disarming and inviting. His style is well researched yet accessible – and punctuated with delicious quotes like this one: “Jesus’ greatest miracle was that he was a man in his thirties with twelve close friends!” (Rachel Gilson, p.69). But what sets The Intimacy Deficit apart is its vulnerability. Shaw isn’t afraid to share his own struggles, making the complex topic of intimacy feel accessible and relatable. Each section offers realistic, actionable steps for cultivating deeper connection, moving beyond theory to lived experience. And, for those in need of a bit of self-help, the book concludes with an intimacy audit.
This is a short book at just 112 pages. But don’t confuse brevity for superficiality. It casts a rich, Christ-centred vision that offers hope for those longing for meaningful connection and a renewed understanding of the church as a place of genuine belonging. It’s an essential read for anyone seeking to live a fuller, more connected life.
Book information
- The Intimacy Deficit: Fully enjoying God, yourself, others and creation, Ed Shaw, IVP, ISBN: 978 1 783 599 486, 112 pages, £11.99
