Dear Editor,
Louise Morse’s ideas (September en) on thinking ahead to our own funerals are surely helpful and important; they can save much uncertainty or argument at a stressful time. But one phrase concerned me: ‘there is to be no deviation’ from her own plans.
A death may come 20 or 30 years after we set down our choices; so much may change in that time. A new generation has grown up. No-one may be available to play that favourite music; the group who made it popular may long since have disbanded and the song dropped from the evangelical charts, or (the opposite) become stale and trite by relentless over-exposure.
It may not be easy to fetch Uncle Charlie from his distant home, hospital or prison cell to pay his tribute; some chosen verse may by then be unbearable or inappropriate to read. Some dying wishes place intolerable burdens on the bereaved, who then feel added guilt if they cannot fulfil them – whether it’s for ashes to be interred in the Falklands, or a chosen preacher, who has gone off the rails (it has been known).
Memorial or thanksgiving events cannot benefit the deceased; they can support, comfort and challenge the mourners and bring glory to God. My own funeral package (occasionally updated!) is headed ‘Guidelines and Suggestions’ rather than ‘Demands and Requirements’.
There is another side to the coin. A locally well-known atheist had prescribed ‘no religion’ at her death. The family thought otherwise: ‘The old lady got her own way all through her life; now we shall do it our way!’ So they arranged a church service, not to pretend to any non-existent (or non-apparent) faith, but to celebrate her achievements and make it a gospel opportunity.
Louise suggests a ‘road map’ for such occasions. Excellent – so much better than a nagging Satnav!
Sincerely in Christ,
