Dear Editor,
As a man due to marry this summer, I was delighted to hear the government confirm that weddings are permitted again. The lockdown period brought many challenges for engaged couples, with some wrestling with the issue of whether Christians should pursue a marriage ‘in God’s eyes’, adding the state’s ‘legal necessities’ at a later date. Whilst the government ban has been lifted, the issue is still worth engaging with, not least given the possibility of a second peak.
Clearly marrying outside the state’s juris-diction is admissible since the state does not have the right to define marriage as it wishes. Were the state to place a permanent ban on marriage, we would not stop marrying. We would instead pursue marriage without the involvement of the government.
So the question is not whether this is admissible but whether it is wise in this con-text. I would argue ‘no’.
Marriage, by its very nature, is a public event. It creates a new family within society, and therefore must be publicly recognised by society. The state is what orders society, under God. Therefore there can be no such thing as marriage ‘in God’s eyes only’.
Now the state we live in recognises Christian marriage, and the fact its defin-ition is broader than the biblical definition does not preclude us from marrying bib-lically.
Moreover, during the pandemic, we must recognise that the state had a legitimate rea-son to temporarily ban marriages, just as it had a legitimate reason to temporarily ban public worship. Clearly it is disappointing that their reintroduction was not a higher priority for the government, but that does not undermine the legitimacy of a tempor-ary ban on both.
Given these factors, I believe that those wishing to get married ought to have waited until such time as the state allowed for this to happen. Choosing not to wait would essentially be setting up our own state and society, within the state and society we already live in.
There are a number of reasons why doing so could be foolish, given the sinfulness of humanity.
What if the couple in question are actually unable to be legally married? For example, what if one of them is secretly already mar-ried? We will then have unwittingly enabled polygamy to take place.
What if the newly-married wife suddenly discovers she has married an abusive hus-band? A horrific situation in normal circum-stances would be made even worse, since being legally married provides various pro-tections, such as in the sharing of financial assets, which would now not be available.
What if, despite our insistence, the couple does not go through with the legal require-ments after the marriage ceremony?
These possibilities are all problematic, and best avoided. And we have not even begun to mention the confusion this kind of arrangement would cause to other Christians and the watching world around us!
We need to understand that pursuing legal marriage under the regulation of the state is not something that Christians do simply to render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s – the state has a good, important role to play in the area of marriage as God’s servants for the good of all those seeking (true) marriage across our nation!
In an area of life where emotions run high and couples are fragile, we must ensure that we provide those in our congregations with sound counsel, helping them to make wise decisions. And most importantly, we must encourage couples, indeed everyone, in our churches to lift their eyes and long for the ultimate marriage ceremony – the marriage supper of the Lamb.
Yours sincerely,
