Abuse: our experience

Dear Editor,

Since reading the Independent Inquiry into the Child Sexual Abuse in Cof E churches, I became aware of how much the report mirrored my daughter’s experience. The difference was that this happened in an evangelical church. Therefore, I believe this report is valuable for all churches and needs to be read thoughtfully.

One of the main reasons why this needs to be flagged up is because the damage to victims where churches act inappropriately is very long lasting.

It is about ten years ago since our lives were shaken by hearing that our daughter had disclosed to the pastor of the church she was then attending at university that she was a victim of sexual offences from the assistant pastor at her home evangelical church when she was a teenager.

Consequently, this home church immediately activated their safeguarding policy once the formal complaint was received. These leaders had conscientiously completed all the training and kept it up to date. Significantly, this was no guarantee that this would be dealt with properly, as I will explain.

Much of the mess that followed thereafter, mirrored what the leaders’ hearts were ruled by – attitudes which had long gone unchallenged. Maybe this was because, ‘the pastor was perceived as beyond reproach’ and the plural eldership was not functioning the way it should. Maybe the leaders ‘had too much power and too little accountability’. Were they transparent and accountable to each other and the church as a whole? Whatever the reasons, this resulted in the process being hampered by what was controlling the leaders’ hearts.

By the same token, the Independent Inquiry goes on to say that ‘senior church leaders were now saying the right things, but lasting change will require more than platitudes’.

My conclusion is that nothing, including excellent safeguarding policies, can ever be a substitute for a humble Christ-centred leadership. This will require honest accountability and transparency to each other and to independent bodies. Only this will ultimately safeguard right decisions for the perpetrator and care for the victim.

Following the disclosure, the church will immediately be faced with the temptation to protect its reputation. Wrapped up with this they will not be wanting to bring discredit on the name of the Lord. But if protecting its reputation becomes the church’s overriding motive it will result in a woeful disregard to the victim and will cause huge damage to that person.

Furthermore, churches can see themselves as being loving by being very ready to forgive, thinking this is the right way forward.

They clearly regard it as ‘an appropriate response to an admission of wrongdoing’.

Surely, first the perpetrator needs to be stopped. Having been in a position of trust he cannot now be trusted. If it is swept under the carpet with forgiveness, then you are just waiting for it to be repeated down the road. Is not forgiveness to come from the victim, not the elders?

All this allows abusers not only to hide, but in some cases develop into leadership roles even though they have showed they are untrustworthy. In the meantime the victim suffers as they watch from the sidelines. They can only conclude that the church does not believe them and/or seems unwilling or unable to help them.

The three-times Olympic champion Aly Raisman told BBC Sport about her own experience. ‘Every time an adult enables the abuse or doesn’t believe you, it feels like you are being abused all over again and it’s continually traumatising, so the healing and the aftermath of the abuse is so important for people to understand’. As a parent I observed the impact that not being believed had on my daughter.

The way the abuse is handled can greatly impact a survivor’s healing. For this reason, I agree with the report’s conclusions of the need to have independent professional safeguarding officials, who will not allow underlying church failures to dictate how the situation is dealt with and they would be best placed to decide what action should be taken’ Although I am not sure how this could be achieved in independent churches.

The Inquiry’s report states that: ‘Faith organisations such as the Anglican church are marked out by their explicit moral purpose, in teaching right from wrong. In the context of child sexual abuse, the church’s neglect of the physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing of children and young people in favour of protecting its reputation was in conflict with its mission of love and care for the innocent and vulnerable.’ Surely all churches would agree with this.

Despite this, I believe there are many churches who would deal with sexual abuse in an exemplary way. For instance, the churches my daughter has subsequently attended have helped her above and beyond what we would have expected, and we are so thankful to God for their love and care which has gone a long way in her continuing journey of recovery.

Churches need to seriously ask themselves: are they set to follow similar harmful patterns of behaviour; and why and how must they change? It is likely to be a long and difficult road to answer these questions honestly, as it concerns matters of the heart and a need to look to God and His honour even if we are made to look weak when aiming to act justly.

‘Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness’ (Lam. 3:22-23).

Yours sincerely,

The writer of this letter has asked to remain anonymous